Need help..
Hi, so recently my boyfriend and I had a fight and I'm usually the type of person who likes to talk things out and get to the root of the problem but he likes to take a few days to think about it on his own and ignore me in the meantime. I ended up going to him and talking to him about everything and we were able to figure things out in minutes. But the issue is now I get panic attacks and my anxiety causes me to over think every time I don't hear from him for 1hr or more without an explanation for not being able to contact me through text or call. I spoke to him about it and seems to under it I still have the issue. I try to keep myself busy so I don't take time to worry so much about it cause I should know that he will text me when he has time but It's hard to not worry. I just get scared that he will stop talking to me like he did we got into a fight. I'm not sure how to overcome this feeling. Any thoughts?
I feel like I am giving myself advice here... although you just want one word from him, and hope he will just send some message to let you know everything will be alright, every message you send him just makes him dislike you more. Don't do it. It just keeps his anger going rather than letting it go naturally. Have faith in him. Once he doesn't here from you he will start to soften. If I don't message him tomorrow, he will have a relaxing day where I don't piss him off and will be aware of this, and very grateful when he goes to bed. If I don't message him the next day, he will know I have listened to him. If I don't messaged him the third day he will have softened dramatically, realised I care enough to respect his wishes, and his heart will be ready to open again. By the 4th day he will be missing me, if I haven't heard anything by the 5th day it will be ok to get back in touch. He will be glad to hear from me. Or he from you lol...
If you have all these worries about never seeing him again going on over these days then write them down, talk on here if you want. Just don't send them to him, he is not leaving you forever but you are pushing him away and making him consider it.
Have faith & confidence in him.
@GCHJVB7978 thank u
@selfconfidentTalker5570
hey hun, first of all, you need to know none of this is your fault. my boyfriend does the same thing to me. sometimes he wont respond all day and then last minute say he's tired. finally one day i stopped bothering him, even though it made me have really bad panic attacks. i have bipolar depression, anxiety, and adhd, so im sure you can imagine how hard if was for me to just let it go. he later told me what was going on, but he didnt want to put stress onto our relationship so he didnt talk about it. i told him "i mean this in the nicest way, but you drove me up the wall not talking to me XD" i know its gonna be hard. promise me, but you will get through this. maybe tell him something like "hey i dont mean to nag on you. but i want to make sure everything is okay with you. and i want you to know that im always here for you and i will never judge you for anything you are going through." and then just leave it at that. it will be hard. but maybe do something to get your mind off of him for a few hours. if you have an instrument you could learn a new song. or go on face time with your friends. you could even bake cookies or something. maybe play a board game with your family. just know that everything will be okay. and everyone here at 7cups is hear for you and you are always important. 
@sunflowerXfield thank you I try to just let him know I'm here for him and then leave him be.
@selfconfidentTalker5570
of course hun. sometimes guys just dont know how to talk things out so they shut everyone and everything out. it just takes time. unless its really long then you may need to focus on yourself and figure out if you are happy or not.
also, im the same way about wanting to talk things out. my boyfriend will walk away and ignore me. he once didnt talk to me for 3 days. i know keeping yourself busy is hard, but know this, if he ever makes you feel like things are always your fault, or that you are less than him, he. is not. worth it. that would be considered a toxic relationship and you should get out of it as soon as possible because that will only cause you more harm in the future.i went through that and i was in a toxic relationship for 6 months before i got out of it and let me tell you, i wish i wouldve gotten out within the first red flag. you always need to care for yourself and know your worth. just watch for yourself because, as selfish as it may sound, sometimes you need to take care of yourself before you take care of others.
@sunflowerXfield he never puts blame on me he just tells me he needs time to think. But even when we don't fight he doesn't text me as much throughout the day. I spoke to him about it and he told me that he's just not used to texting people and holding a conversation the whole day, he's used to a brief conversation like with his friends and then goes on with his day. So im being understanding and texting him once then leaving him to text me back when he gets the chance. :)
@selfconfidentTalker5570 Apologies. Im new here. Can I give opposite side perspective? I too have been in your shoes but more often, Im the one ignoring. Not because we dont care, not bacuse we want to inflict pain. But because we process differently and that porcess needs time and energy. We get so wrapped up in our thinking that we forget how the other party is feeling, often taking for granted the other party is still out there. Our love and caring isnt diminished. It will seem that way though. Im not saying its fair or right. For us, it just is. As for the anxiety I felt when ignored? I tried to put faith in the strength of our relationship and wait it out. When that failed, as it often did, I put more energy into the relationship with my dog.Hang in there, keep posting. Let us be your rock for now..
@patientWillow2644
I know that wasn't for me but that is like hearing my partner talk to me. I understand him now. Thank you so much. Seriously willow you have given me such relief I an now 😭😭😭
@patientWillow2644
thank u for that perspective that helped a lot
@patientWillow2644 I was intrigued by this post as I too am with a partner who shuts down and disconnects when he doesn't want to confront emotions. We've been together for 4 years now and I do understand his need for time however I perceive his distance as reassurance to my negative thoughts and this drives me to anxiety. I in turn shut down and put my walls up to avoid being hurt and then he feels I'm unapproachable so stays away longer. I'm really struggling with breaking the cycle and appreciate your words of encouragement to just stay supportive and redirect energy towards other things. Any advice on how to approach someone to have a discussion about concerns without them shutting down?
@intellectualSugar7910 I had to reflect on the times my partner and I actually talked about how we were really feeling. Emotions are not my best subject as I tend to bury mine. She used to beat me up with hers. The best conversations we had on the subject were often while we were doing other things like painting a room, on a shopping mission, cooking a new recipe, doing yard work, etc.. Learning how to manage our own triggers while attemping to aviod the others was rough.. Learning how not to play the blame game was tough as well. Never using what we learned in those conversations against the other was something else we had to figure out the hard way. At points in our relationship we had to set some groud rules so each of us could feel safe talking about real and often raw emotions. Being allowed to say "ive had enough, lets drop it now and pick up later" was not easy but often very needed.There were other things we learned along the way but these are the ones to which I keep coming back the most.
Well last night my boyfriend broke up with me and told me he was "spread too thin". I still have strong feelings for him but i let him go. We couldn't keep forcing our selves to make things work cause it was too one sided. I tried hard and he didn't. i know I accepted that he wasn't happy but i am still really sad...
@selfconfidentTalker5570 sorry to hear things didn't work out. I know it's difficult right now but remember that you deserve to have a relationship where he puts in as much effort as you do because you are worth it!
@selfconfidentTalker5570 I too am sorry to read of the break up and the sadness and ouch that often comes with such. One-sided relationships are fine with teddy bears and the like but people need so much more. I offer virtual hugs and the wish that in due time you find the one who gives as well as takes and that happiness in spades follows!