Online school makes me so miserable...
I go a week feeling optimistic then everything goes downhill again. It's like I can't be happy anymore. Always worrying about school, always worrying about the future, not enjoying the things I used to enjoy, can't get a good night's sleep. What the hell is wrong with me? You would think not failing classes anymore would get me to relax. Trust me my grades are the bare minimum but you would think that would make me calm down but no. Every single day my brain is like what if you end up giving up and destroying your future. And I get so anxious. Even though I'm improving my work ethic why am I so sad still? Then a part of me doesn't want the bare minimum and is like bring up your grades back to its past glory and I feel so bad. I miss my past self. I miss everything before this dumb pandemic. Ever since high school started it's been the worst. I can't take it. All this stress. I'm like come on stick it out for summer break then my brain is like what if you have to take summer school what if you get left back. You won't be able to enjoy the summer then... It's like everytime I try thinking positively a negative thought comes right after. It hurts so much. I feel so alone like no one understands me. If I go crying to my mom she's like I'm coming up with excuses to cry. That I'm so in peace that I'm crying just to cry? Wtf is that supposed to mean? They think I'm having the time of my life because school's online. No it's the worst I've ever felt about school. Even over the weekends I can't relax and I worry even more and get overwhelmed even more. I don't know what to do. I miss having things to enjoy and being more carefree and calm.
Hang in there...do you walk or exercise every day? We all miss socializing and it will come back soon. In the meantime, it is important you address your anxiety. Exercise really helps!! There are great videos on YouTube if you don’t have a bike or run. Good luck.
@aruaryana
I hate that I keep having to say to everyone in school "you are not alone." I just want you to genuinely know that almost all students everywhere are feeling the way you do. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to hate this current situation you're in.
It sucks. Plain and simple. SUCKS!!!!
Do the best that you can for your grades. If they're great - awesome. If they're just okay - awesome. When you're done with high school, they won't matter. Really! (They don't really matter now, but it's just how the system works.) I do a lot of recruiting work, so I go over a lot of resumes - a lot of people will put their college GPAs on their resumes. I don't care. Can you do the job I'm hiring you for? Great. If not, I don't want you. All the As and 4.0s in the world won't change my mind.
Do your best with the high school situation and then move on to a wonderful future that you'll make for yourself. I know doctors who were D and E students in high school. I know a classmate I went to school with who was a complete "bad" student. He owns this massive company in New York. I have a friend who dropped out, did his own thing for a decade, then decided to get his GED, then a degree, and found his calling and is amazingly happy. I know a ton of business owners that never went to college.
These grades don't define you. It's just what the state mandates you need to "pass." If you are concerned, talk with your school counselor - it's their job to help you get through and finish high school. They can tell you what you need to do to get through.
You can do it. Even in this messed up situation we're in, you can do it. You're going to be so strong because of this chaos. In the future when something goes wrong, you won't even think twice about it. "Oh yeah, well I dealt with covid and lockdowns - I can deal with this, too."