Over Coming Emotional Neglect, Triggering vulnerably anxiety?
In mostly all of my core relationships (as family and partners) throughout my childhood/Early adulthood I've experienced emotional neglect. Which has created fear to be vulnerable with the thought of me being dramatic or too much. Or a burden. With Dealing with this from my parents throughout my whole entire childhood, it seemed to follow my in my past two serous relationships. I've recognized that these things are not what I deserve, and exited from these relationships. Though it still leaves the trauma and reactions that I still carry. I was single for many years taking time to heal and work on myself. Though this past year I finally felt I was ready to love again and put my heart on the table. A couple months in it all resurfaced. This partnership has been nothing but healthy, though little things will trigger and bring up feelings from the past.. and then I react. Which has created a pattern throughout this relationship that I get very anxious and intrusive thoughts. I feel I create problems that don't exist because I feel I am unable to have a healthy stable relationship, almost like I don't deserve it. Though I am deeply loved and cared for I am still not happy. We had to split up because the pattern was not resolving, and I needed space to resolve this trauma I am experiencing. I really don't want to loose this person, but I don't know what to do to make it better.
@Trekkingbee603
Hi Trekkingbee!
It sounds like you have great self-awareness of how your childhood and family patterns have affected your life. Yes we do repeat those patterns over and over, and we can meet very safe and healthy people but still push them away with those unconscious patterns that are left running in the background. Though it sounds like they are becoming more and more conscious for you, which is great. One very deep pattern, as you mentioned, is that things either feel comfortable or uncomfortable (familiar or not familiar) and so a healthy relationship might feel very uncomfortable or scary, just because you weren't raised with it. That can be so painful and frustrating and devastating when it happens.
This is stuff that can be worked through with a good counsellor/therapist, and a marriage/family therapist maybe for both of you? Would that be possible? Relationships are challenging anyway, and being able to work through this together I imagine might give you a head start in knowing you can get through the tough times together. 💛
@Trekkingbee603 It's hard to feel comfortable being vulnerable, bee, and I applaud you for working on your past trauma and trying to move forward. If working with a therapist is not an option for you, I hope you are able to read about talking through relationship issues via the internet to gain some perspective. There's a lot out there. I was trying to help a friend with a similar issue a couple of weeks ago and came across this article: https://www.verywellmind.com/why-vulnerability-in-relationships-is-so-important-5193728
She said it did help her, personally. I'm not trying to say it will help you, but gaining information is rarely a waste of time. Best of luck to you as you continue your healing journey.
