PTSD + Social Anxiety
So I'm a generally accomplished person who did well in school, but my parents went through a horrific divorce and the court battle involving me and them lasted 13 years. I testified in open court when I was 13 and basically was raised in order to be able to handle fighting my father. OCD and anxiety runs in my family, and well along the way I did not learn a lot of social lessons.
I'm 36 with advanced degrees but my ability to date, get promoted, and otherwise do a lot of "regular" stuff is hindered. I've been in therapy for 18 months and am making some progress, but I keep getting my butt kicked with attempts at romance. I simply cannot read or understand women or what they want. (Yes I know this was a bad Mel Gibson movie.) I end up overly invested emotionally and keep on getting hurt which in turn makes me more shy.
I also shy away from conflict, and it builds continually. I end up not liking myself very much and feel defeated. Everything becomes such a struggle to just do something simple.
@IceMouse
I'm really sorry to hear this 
I'm really proud of you for coming this far in life! It's really good that you're making some progress with the help of your therapy.
I am a girl myself, but I still don't understand my own kin :') Don't worry! The right love comes at the wrong time, which is bad, but there's really nothing we can do about it. Conflicts can be overwhelming and hearing from your story here, I can see that it relates to your PTSD so I understand why you shy away from conflicts. It takes a lot of courage to overcome fear, but once you've done it, you can be proud of yourself!!
@EmikoKokoro
Thanks for the kind words. I keep on working on everything. I'm running my second 5k on 9/8.
There is truth about doing it once and then being able to do it again and again. I think I need to find a better work environment and some different social circles along the way.
@EmikoKokoro
lol about not understanding your own kin.... I like need a manual or textbook or something!
