Perhaps its anxiety
Hello all, Here's my story. A few months ago, my dad was hospitalized with an infection and it lead to other complicated health issues. Hes been in the hospital three times now in the last three months. Fortunately he is slowly recovering now at home but it's taken a toll on me, causing me to feel overwhelmed because I feel he is always needy and he wants specific things. If he doesnt get it his way, he just says hurtful things. He is also impatient like very impatient. I'm a very patient person. To add to that, I'm a sensitive person so I get triggered so easily with everything he says and I just start to cry out of anger and frustration. Sometimes I cry bc I worry about him and his health. It's just complicated and emotionally frustrating.
@teerak143
It's codependence.
@teerak143
It's good that you're looking for help. And that's an important step that you wrote. I feel how frustrating your situation must be. And all the feelings you describe make sense to me and are understandable.
I wonder who else in the family takes care of your dad. It seems to me that you are taking on a great responsibility. And I don't think it's up to you only. What about your mom, siblings, uncles, aunts, etc.?
Of course it's nice that you care. You are a very caring person. I understand you want to help your dad. But what limits do you have? There is difference between pleasing somebody and helping. These are two different things. None of us are here to please the other. We can help. But it is not our duty to please anybody.
No it's not just me but my mom and the whole family looks after him as well. We all have our own part to do but I dont know why he's the hardest on me and my mom. My siblings have work and I'm unemployed right now so I'm with him most of the time. Maybe it's just me that thinks this way 🤷♀️ what's frustrating to me is trying to get him to understand his situation and he cant always get things done his way and when he doesnt listen I just get mad and walk away (what I've learned to do now) bc if I dont walk away I'll probably end up saying things I'll regret later. Another thing that I personally feel is he manipulates his way into making me feel guilty or bad about the situation he's in to get his way. I think the reason why I'm struggling now is bc I'm an introvert. I'm very shy. I get anxious meeting new people, talking on the phone with new people, any sort of meeting with people I dont know. Im quiet. Im that friend in my circle of friends that just prefer to listen and give my opinions when needed. I like being left alone in my own world😅 When I get criticize or scolded by family members, I dont talk back or say what I feel bc I feel like even if I talk back they will use my insecurities to "attack" me and make me feel even worse about myself. So I thought why even bother? So all the emotions I have received from people, I keep it inside. The only thing I can do is cry. So fast forward to my dad situation, I just feel like...dare I say my cup of tea is overflowing now and I'm just struggling a lot with all these emotions and how to deal with it 😪 and I'm sorry I'm rambling a lot but I just feel I need to let this all out
@teerak143
You don't have to apologize, here is a space to express what is going in your head and how you feel. It's alright.
You write that you keep everything to yourself. But you can nicely describe what is going on in you. You write here. And that's great.
You write that you are quiet and that you like being left alone in your own world. If it suits you like this, it's perfectly fine. We each have our own way. You don't have to change anything. Only if you want to. Then something can be done about it.
I think you've found a great way to get out of the situation with your dad. You wrote “I just get mad and walk away (what I've learned to do now) bc if I dont walk away I'll probably end up saying things I'll regret later." Whatever works for you is fine.
I know you care about your dad. But I want to ask, what leads you to try to get your dad to understand his situation? Does it work? How much energy does it cost you?
