Procrastination, anxiety, panic...
For the past 2-3 years of my life I have been noticing some very disturbing changes in my emotions and habits. I have not sought professional help so I am still trying to figure out exactly what is going on with me and is it one thing, or several, and what to do.
I used to be very capable of dealing with unknown and unexpected situations, ever since a child I had been an adventurer, taking things as a challenge rather than experiencing anxiety or mental breakdowns before anything less habitual. But in the last years a tendency has established that is starting to scare me very much - I started having problems dealing with the most simple things, I have totally unreasonable fears and inability to handle daily situations. For example, I start procrastinating things like, booking my summer vacation flight, or checking/reading mail. It follows more or less this pattern: I realize there is something I have to do, usually there is quite some time before it's become "urgent", so I start procrastinating and procrastinating, always making up excuses and reasons to delay doingit - even when it is nothing difficult or unpleasant - until the "deadline" is so close that the fear of things going wrong (no places left on the flight for example, price too high, etc) is no longer unfounded, at which point I experience frequent anxiety and inability to take care of the matter, often with physical symptoms such as increased heartbeat, sweating, nightmares. It's as if there are two "me" - one that refuses to do anything at all, and the other one that gets sick worried things can and will go wrong but can't do anything without the first one. Lately the only way I can get myself to do anything is by first emotionally accepting that the worst has happen and will happen, coming to terms with it and devising some alternative plan. Only then do I calm down enough to actually do what has to be done and more often than not it turns out I had no reason to worry and everything is alright anyway.
Could someone please tell me what this is, what is happening to me? I don't even know where to start...
I have the same thing--I wish I could offer words of advice but for me it was at least comforting to read that someone else has had the same experience. Checking my email is terrifying, I owe my grocery store 80 euros in fees because my credit card got overcharged 6 eurosthere a couple months ago and I haven't goneto the bank to transfer money to them, and the last three years of college have been horrible night after horrible night of not finishing my work on time. Every time i have an essay due I wait until the last possible moment to throw together something sub-par. It's like, I know that I should do these things and that they won't be that hard and that my life would be so much easier/better if I did them, but I Just. Can't. Seem. To. Do. Them.
I can't quite say when my problems first started, but they most certainly got worse during my master studies. I know for sure that doing everything late, or not doing it at all, was a reaction out of fear that I might try to do it, and fail. But if I waited to the last moment, had little time and had to work under stress, I would have those two excuses for a bad grade. While starting on time, working regularly, doing my best AND still getting a bad grade would have been too hard to swallow. But then this pattern moved to many other aspects of my life, where there are no grades, no chance to fail, just trivial things that need to be taken care of. And funny enough, the only aspect where I still get "grades" -my work - I have absolutely no problems doing normally just like everybody else and dealing with criticism, etc. Could it be that underlying all this it is some...fear, low self-esteem?
Hi, that's something that I deal with on a daily basis. We may have different life experiences so the exact 'problem' and 'solution' may not apply, but I'm hoping that by sharing with you, you'll find some direction.
I'm competitive. I've always been set high standards as a kid, and that's something I've brought with me as I got older.
Now that I'm in a working environment ('out in the real world' so to speak), where there's no structure for me to follow in terms of rewards and points system (example: test scores, positive feedback from teachers and peers), I've taken to judging my own work/life/general wellbeing.
Sometimes I procrastinate on stuff because I know I can't get it 'perfect', and so I'll dilly-dally till either 1.there's no time to do it or 2.i have no choice but to do it.
Sometimes the stressful event makes me go into a sort-of 'fight or flight' mode, where I really give it 100% effort in whatever time I have left, and succeeding gives me a thrill and a feeling of accomplishment.
Sometimes I don't do something because I'm afraid of the consequences if I don't do it well.
Sometimes I procrastinate because in my heart, I know what I don't want to do it, but I have to and so I push it out till the last minute, and if I don't do it properly, it's just validation of what I felt.
Generally how I cope with procrastination when I notice myself doing it, is to list down everything I need to do, and force myself to strike everything off the list. Either by completing the task, or by deciding that the task is unnecessary and just not do it.
I think over time, I've come to appreciate the relief of not having the cloud of 'stuff i need to do' hovering over my head.
