Relationship Anxiety
Ive been with my current boyfriend nearly a year now and I get mega anxiety when he goes out drinking with his friends. I worry about girls and that hes safe and okay. He has never once given me a reason to doubt him, he is the perfect guy. But I cant help it. Im an insecure person and Ill admit it. Id rather him be with me. But thats because I miss him when hes out (we dont live together so I see him the day after a night out) whenever Ive been off with him about going out Ive instantly regretted it after weve spoken about it just because I realise how silly Im being. But the anxiety starts a few days before hes due to go out, his friends are not my kind of people (all guys btw) even writing this i feel better. I think I get jealous, I dont really have any friends, or the ones I do never ask me to do anything, so Im always the one trying to make plans and theyre always too busy. I really do love him, but Ive been hurt in the past and I dont want to be hurt again so maybe Im just trying to protect myself but going about it the wrong way? I know worrying and getting anxious isnt going to change anything its just going to make me feel rubbish. But I just cant help it.
@mil307
It sounds like in many ways you are holding your current boyfriend responsible for the hurts from others in your past. In reading your description of your boyfriend it sounds like you see his value, but do not see your own. One thing that might help ease some of your anxiety is making a list of things that are good about you or things you might like to try without your boyfriend.
@mil307
Makes sence since anxiety is always a fear underneath.
But I'll be very honest. I think most women have this type of thoughts, yet this is a very toxic thing.
Even if he did hurt you (which I hope he doesn't!) you can't put all guys in the same bag :/
Guys need guy time. They need to laugh at dumb jokes. Because before you his friends were already there. Friendships for guys usually is like a second family. So please try to think rationally, his friends are important.
If you guys were together 24/7 would be a recipe for chaos. Everything needs a balance.
I've seen many couples fall appart because she constantly wants to be with him and the relationship instead of healthy, based on boundaries, turns very toxic , very possessive, because the reason for them being together is someone's insecurity.
I've been in this type of relationship . My ex was incredibly needy and that sent me into a spiral of wanting people away from me.
You seem a wonderful partner but you're right about your insecurities taking over :/
@Booklover95 thank you for replying!
i get hysterically upset when he tells me hes going out or hes made plans for in a few weeks time, (only to myself, I dont let him know Im upset) and I just cant help it, it puts me in a really bad mood. Im jealous because I dont have any friends, I never go out and when Im not alone Im with him, we see each other around 4/5 times a week. I just wish I had friends to go out with and make plans. I feel like Im always a second option to everyone. No one values me so why should I value myself?
He wants to go to the ‘races which is a big all day (piss up) day out where you dress in suits etc (this is in a different city to where we live) (about 45 mins away) and he wants to go out there to bars afterwards and Im just not comfortable with it at all.
@mil307
Just work on friendships of your own. Try going out for places you enjoy and sooner or later you'll see that you'll start conversations with people and you'll make friends.
If you can, try to get out and into the community.
Classes at the YMCA or at your local arts and crafts center are great for making friends or you could try to make friends and hang out with some coworkers.