Should tell my ex about my anxiety?
i recently had a pretty bad breakup with girlfriend who really love and came to find out the large factor of pushing her away was my anxiety. This is the second relationship in row ruined. This one really is bothering me though enough so that I felt I needed help and find out why I was doing this. I over analyzed and over thought everything thinking that she wanted to end it. When I looked backed at what was happening there was no reason for me to think that way but I kept thinking that and repeating it to her and she finally had enough and stopped communicating. During this time I have had the old butterfly in stomach feeling non stop for a couple weeks and getting bad at night when try to sleep causing me to not be able to sleep. I was little embarrassed but final asked a friend and told them I need to get help this isnt normal. So Ive been seeing doctor and therapist and they confirmed its my anxiety causing this and Im working through it to control it. Its been three weeks since started getting help.
I love this women and pushed her away with my behavior. I want to explain to hear my situation but am afraid she will think its some excuse to try to get her back. Where I just want her to understand what Im dealing with and why I behaved like I did. Is that good idea or just let it go and if she contacts me then maybe we can address my issues?
@blue1977
HI Blue thank you for reaching out and sharing with us.
I am sorry to hear of your break up. That must been very hard knowing you really loved her. First I am glad that you reached out and are recieving some help and also some support here. That be proud of! Many of us over think on many things about our lives- to the point where we are sucked into it and obsess over it. Sometimes it is healthy, but when we do it constantly and wreck things in life, it no longer is healthy. Sometimes due to our previous bad things that happened in relationships we tend to be more cautious or even develope some anxities or our anxiety symptoms come out more. We are human and don't want to be hurt or used, so our minds go into fight mode or we are like a scared cat. It sounds like yes you really love her despite your behaviors and trying to gain some help and support. Maybe give it some time and write her a letter. Try and just share what it's like for you, stay away from te excuses. Or as you shared if she contacts you then you can address things slowly. Right now focus on you and better you with the anxities. I really do understand you on this in my personal life. I do hope this helps
@RumpleSteeleSkin
thank you that is great advice. Since I started talking about it 3 weeks ago Ive already seen improvement but have long way to go cause have to fight my self everyday. Ive known this amazing women for over 30 years and have managed to destroy relationship and friendship in a couple months.
@blue1977
That is good to hear on you improving. Small steps ok and treat yourself nice as you are working so hard. We didn't get sick over night, so healing and getting better takes time. In time you will see things turning for the good for you
@RumpleSteeleSkin
ive been doing so good till last night I could feel it coming back and trying strong but fought it off for most part and talked to friend. I dont know if cause I want to explain to ex what I go through to help me move on cause feel bad and know no future but still care for her and hate that hurt her
@blue1977
Hi Blue good to see you againaaww I am sorry that it was hard for you last night, but hey look- you fought it off and talked to a friend. Good job Bluehugs. This to will take some time to manage, as there are feelings involved. And you care for her alot. Do you think getting a notebook and writing it all out can help?
@RumpleSteeleSkin
i do right it down but want to move on and its difficult. Know someone 30 years and want to get closure but know thats a rare possibility but guess for me. Ill keep fighting it off and keep try to learn to hold it back
@blue1977
This seems a bit hard for you now. Hugs for realThat is a very long time to just "Move on" as there are deep embedded feelings there. So "moving on" can be a bit hard-but not impossible. How about this:
1. Enjoy some of the positive fun memories
2. Yes writing things out, then go by the garbage can and take a deep breath and tear it all up. Then say "I have to move on from this feeling. It is ok to be sad,angry etc"
3. Do a mindfulness exercise dealing with breakups https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN2We97nnw
4. Do something nice for you as you deserve it
@blue1977 ive been trough somthing similar but i think if you love her you should tell her but face to face
@gekyumexxx trust me she knows how I feel. You can love someone with all your heart and want to take care of that person and sometimes its just not meant to be. Just little harder and longer to figure out and accept when dealing with anxiety
It will really depend. If she cut off communication then that may be here putting up a boundary that you should accept. But if she's willing to hear you out (and that's up to her) then it's worth a shot.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
yeah I doubt I will say anything plus she doesnt need to deal with it either right now. Wish knew extent of it before so could warn her but at least now I do know going forward
Well I ended up sending her letter by email trying to get closure for my self and realize she wont respond or probably read it but makes me feel better. Anxiety has been coming back hard but fighting it off. When you love someone and they have chronic illness and wont speak to you about how they are it really messes with you and especially with anxiety.
Another issue is I let her borrow money and can kiss that good bye at this point. Caring and doing everything can for someone and then its a ruined is rough
@blue1977 hey I think you did good writing her an email, I think she will take some time to process it but eventually you'll hear back from her.
And bout the lent money, just forget about that: it's really not important!
@FreeBreeze
yeah the money is really not that important to me it only $1650 but the fact when we were on good terms I said I feel comfortable lending to her just said dont disappear and she did just that. But a lot of it was my fault with all over thinking and worrying. She also has anxiety but deals with it a lot better than me. But her way of dealing with it is to shut everything out. I cant do that especially when care for someone.
Been having good days and bad lately and those bad days I really want to be mean but cant be to her still so have to breathe and relax
@blue1977 I've lent more money and I am a girl.. imagine what kind of men there are around! Don't overthink about her answering you, I am sure when she will be ready you'll get her message.. probably when you'll be well over thisbsthis and happy wiwi someone new or on your own. Concentrate on feeling good. I am doing the same
@FreeBreeze
yes there are some not so nice guys out there that like to use people or just cant help themselves. What helped you you move on and what helped with anxiety?
That is what I have been doing is focusing on my self and being happy. The fact that I have known her for probably 34 years or so makes this one hard to drop. Especially when all wanted to do was be there with and for her. Just checking on her to make sure she was ok and her flipping out for do that. That would probably give anyone who doesnt already have anxiety, anxiety. Ive researched and talked several people and still dont understand. All happened so quickly. But Im making progress but still when go on date think of her.
Boy it just gets better and better. Now found out might have tumor in head but at least if is it should be Benign. Can someone have a worse 5-6 months
