Shy, anxious and introverted
Hi guys. This is my first post here... kind of nerve wrecking, since I haven't used forums in years, so forgive me if I sound strange.
I've struggled with crippling shyness/anxiety throughout childhood, although at the time I did not know that it was anxiety. My shyness/anxiety continued into my teens, though not as bad, it was still very much present. It still is and I am over 30.
My social anxiety gets quite bad. I never know how to start conversations with people I am meeting for the first time, or even for the second time, honestly, and small talk drives me bonkers. I constantly feel like I am being judged, and at the same time I am also judging myself. I know I seem rude because of my shyness, but really I am just terrified. I'm writing this because it is causing issues in my life to the point where I feel like I cannot do anything that I want to do, or want to be, if I am to stay this way. Do any of you relate? How do you calm yourself, and socialize with people you don't know very well? Any tips would be appreciated <3
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this @androidee. A lot of what you say resonates with me and my own experiences, though I've become relatively adept at covering up my nervousness. But the anxiety at social situations where I don't know anyone is quite high, and the covering up takes and faking confidence takes a lot out of me.
I realised very recently that my social anxiety and difficulty in reading people or making connection with new people or the trouble I have with eye contact or how exhausting I find extended periods of socialisation or how little capacity I have for small talk are all tied in with autism, which went undiagnosed for most of my life. But, as many of us autistic women do, I developed lots of masking skills and coping strategies for different effects of my condition, including social anxiety.
If you haven't checked out the Self-Help Guides available on 7Cups, maybe that would be one place you could start; I've found many of the guides to be quite good (and perhaps you might find the ones on self-esteem or general anxiety or others tie in to some of the challenges you have experienced, though you'll be the best judge of that of course).
Another of the resources available here (and elsewhere on the internet, of course) is a set of guided meditations, labeled Mindfulness Exercises. The nice thing about the ones posted here is that they are quite short; all under 10 minutes, so it's a good way to try out meditation and see if one can get used to doing disciplined, regular meditating for short periods of time. If it is possible for you, that is one tactic that many people find reduces their anxiety and that may help relieve some of the stress around being with other people.
I hope that between the various types of supports and resources here at 7 Cups or elsewhere on the internet, and whatever you are able to find out in the physical world, you will be able to find effective ways to cope with the anxiety. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
@Sairita Thank you, and thanks for sharing your experience. I'll check out the self-help guides and mindfulness meditation -- it helps to know that someone with similar troubles has overcome them. I hope in time I will too.
@androidee For sure I wouldn't say I overcame them, but we can try and find ways to make it easier on ourselves. I hope you find some strategies that are good for you. And go easy on yourself. You are definitely not alone. <3 <3 <3
@Sairita Ah I apologize, it was a poor choice of words. I think that yes, we constanty learn how to cope with things so they don't affect us as badly. Thanks <333
@androidee
Hello! Thank you for sharing how you feel here. As an individual with social anxiety, I understand how you feel! Remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you <3
@RinRinChan
I tend to fake it till I make it :D
I started going to conferences, greeting people, and calling for pizza x'D these are small steps but it's great to get out of one's comfort zone :')
@RinRinChan
Haha, calling pizza is something that scares me as well :P or calling anyone that I don't know, really. So nerve-wrecking. For a while I did "fake it" and it did work, but perhaps I didn't go far enough with it. It's good to be reminded of it though, thanks <3
@androidee
aw it is my pleasure <3
I hope it works out well with you :D
@androidee
aw it is my pleasure <3
I hope it works out well with you :D
@androidee
I can pretty well relate. I've been bullied and teased when I was younger, because of my shyness. My social anxiety got me stuttring and my heart fluttered everytime I was supposed to speak something in the class. I used to be so afraid that I'd mess up. I can't count how many times I have been asked- Why are you so silent? Why don't you talk and say something? I used to be so scared, and felt so timid. I hated myself. I wondered why couldn't I be like those popular smart outgoing kids. I repeatedly compard myself to others.
I still am sort of like that. Though, with time I'm slowly improving and getting rid of my shyness and social anxiety. When I am excessively anxious, I try to calm myself by thinking happy thoughts and fixing my attention on something else. When someone says something that hurts and embarasses me, I think - it's OK and let's not take it personal, nothing is ever personal anyway. I too suck at making conversations. Mostly because I'm not confident enough about myself. Confidence comes from knowledge and experience. When you start putting yourself into social situations you start experiencing and learning from them. You might fuck up the first time, the second time,a lot many times but at some point you start acting out and utilize what you learned from previous mistakes. Don't go too hard upon yourself, just take it slow and smooth and go at your own pace.
More strength and lots of wishes and hugs to you. ❤❤❤ Sorry for boring you with my long speech (it's not much helpful but still i tried). Take care and treat yourself kindly,
Priyanshi (Ivey)
