Social anxiety
I have always been known as the quiet person. I have always struggled at gatherings cause I don't know what to say or what not to say. Few days ago I went on a trip with my boyfriend and his close friends. Throughout the whole trip I was quiet and I wasn't being my fun self. I hated the way I was during the trip because I know I'm not like that. I kept overthinking and it led to anxiety and also suicidal thoughts. My boyfriend kept saying I should put in more effort and I felt like I only had put in a little. I started thinking why am I like this? Why can't I be more sociable with everyone. (I have met his friends many times before the trip). I woke up this morning with terrible anxiety. I just wanted to be gone from the world. I feel messed up and I also feel like I disappointed my boyfriend. Also, all these thoughts are just eating me up inside. I feel like a loser and I don't have many friends. Only 1-2 people. I don't even have relatives because they always excluded me from gatherings and parties. I just wish I did better 😔
@diplomaticEast4339
I've always been the quiet one too. Some of us aren't easily the sociable ones. I, for example, require a fair amount of alcohol to socially interesting. Don't think you have to be this or that to be loved. I'm lucky enough to have a friend that knows and accepts my limitations, as far as social events go.
We all do what we can. To demand more is unreasonable. I hope your boyfriend can understand this.
@EmeraldOwl2459 during the trip I felt like I did put in effort for example, I participated in the games they were playing. But my boyfriend really wants me to open up to then because his friends are like his family. And it would mean alot to him. But it's not that I don't like them or anything like that. It's just I'm struggling more than I ever was before. Starting to hate myself again and I fear I'm getting into depression.
I'm also the quiet one. I don't talk when I don't need or want to and I always feel like someone sees everything I do. Every embarassing thing I've ever done is always in the back of my mind. People say that I need to talk more, smile more, be a bigger part of the group and its difficult to do that. I don't like social gatherings. I don't like going out in public. I stay in my room as often as I can and my parents say I need to come be social and they make me not want to leave the comfort of my room.
@NerdyMe I get that alot too. But honestly I try my best at parties but it's just not good enough. I have the fear of not knowing what to say and what I shouldn't say. It's just really thought for us but no one seems to understand. They always say talk talk talk