So upset with myself

Recently my fear of throwing up has been coming back, and it’s getting stronger daily. I fear going into taxis with friends, bcos I’m scared that I’ll throw up. Why? I have no clue. I’m also terrified of having a panic attack due to having a stomachache in the car, as Its happened before and its very scary.

for example, today I went out with a friend. We ate some ice cream, and hung out. Later on, we wanted to take a taxi back to her house, but I suddenly felt like my stomach hurt, which is most likely due to anxiety. Due to this, she went in the taxi without me to her house, while I asked my dad to pick me up. This is all because I was terrified of throwing up in the car, or having a panic attack in the car. Also, they were gonna go watch a movie with my friend’s family, but I declined to go because we had to eat dinner first and I was petrified of going in their car with a full stomach, bcos I was scared of the possibility of throwing up. I know my friend is upset, though she hides it, as we haven’t gone to a movie together since 2018, and who knows when we can go again?

this fear is so strange to me bcos I’m scared of throwing up in the taxi yet I’m ok with my father picking me up??

I used to have this fear before, and through hard work, I managed to live with it. Now it’s coming back?? And I don’t know how to help myself!! I’ve forgotten everything!! What I used to help myself, I can’t remember it any more! So I’m so scared, because how can I help myself?

im also so upset at myself for upsetting my friend, bcos she was so excited to go together yet I dashed her hopes. I wish I didn’t have this fear of throwing up, it’s so difficult to live with…