Struggling with everyday life…
I’m new here and struggle with anxiety and panic. It comes in waves and usually only last a few months then I’ll go years not feeling it. This last wave started dec of 2020 and haven’t been able to shake it. Talked to a dr and was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder and put on a med since July.
Ok so I want to tell you all the things that I think are causing my anxiety and maybe can get some insight on how to deal with them. It’s 4 major things that happened to me.
TW: talking bout death and trauma in fire dept.
1. My dad was killed when I was 7 years old over things he shouldn’t have done. I remember laughing and playing at funeral but never remember crying over it. Not sure if I ever really delt wit it
2. My ex ran off wit a friend I let stay with us back when I was 26 and left with the kids. She wanted no child support and me out their life’s. For 14 years I would search online for one of their social medias so I could contact them. They were 3 and 1 last I saw them. Now they are 18 and 17. Found them last year and been messaging wit one of them (anxiety started a month later) find out my ex friend adopted them and they have been molested and treated badly and nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is listen to my daughter as she tells me all the things that happened to her and how she doesn’t think she can do this anymore
3. My mom died with throat cancer at home in front of me. She would knock on wall when she needed something. One night I waited like 5 min to go check on her and when I went not gonna say what happened but she died painfully in front of us waiting on ems. I remember seeing the pain and fear in her eyes then nothing. I have always thought what if I went right away to see what she needed.
4. 3 years ago in fire dept had a bad house fire where a 11 year old didn’t make it. Nothing we could do but the image of what I found after fire was out and screams of the parents yelling and pleading with us to please get their lil girl are stuck in my head and cnt shake tht call
I just don’t know how to deal with these situations to get past them and I think thts what is causing a lot of my anxiety. Any help in how to deal with this would be appreciated. This is the 1st time I really say what is bothering me so tht has to be a plus.
@Fallen2082 Hello. I'm sorry to hear all that you've been handed over your lifetime. I'm so proud of you for talking about it now. Like you said in your last line, yes, it is good that this is the first time you are bringing it up. We are big listeners here, and not advice givers, but I do recommend you take each one of these 4 things one step at a time. It can be overwhelming to think about all 4 at once. This is a wonderful first step. To reach out here on this site. Search around for a listener with shared experiences too. Listeners have stars next to topics that they have shared experiences around. I have a shared experience in losing my mom to cancer as well. Continue the discussion here too, it is very good to write about our experiences and share with others. I'm honored to listen to you.
