Struggling with fear of looking bad/accidentally breaking rules?
I'm in college and this has been an issue for me since I started school, but it only recently got worse. I am terrified of breaking rules and getting in trouble because I think it will make me look bad to my parents and employers, like a different person from who i am. I have always been well behaved and high achieving and i feel like that is what i have to be, but it isnt who i am entirely. Like i want to go with my friends to concerts and parties and be able to get dressed up and go out, but i immediately think my parents will hate me and it spirals into me being a bad person. so i absolutely never do anything fun with my friends, even though i desperately want to try new things and go to parties and have a normal social life. But my fear of getting in trouble and being seen as bad prevents me entirely from it. When im with my boyfriend i can do a little more fun stuff than with my friends, but i still feel guilty, even though its worst in group settings. I want to be a fun person who is able to do things spontaneously, because i think it would be fun, but i feel too afraid to have fun. Has anyone else dealt with this? And how do you cope with it if you have??
@casiopea3199
I totally understand what you mean. It's kind of like an unspoken expectation of you that grows and grows because you've never done anything questionnable that would make people think less. For me it's school work and stuff mainly although I do feel the need to be morally correct all the time too... It's like I have to constantly study to get top grades and do what's sensible, otherwise I'd be thought less of, or maybe it would be the make or break for a furture application. I know realistically If I slipped up or let loose it really wouldn't make that much of a difference, but I think that's where you're feeling stuck at too.
Recently I've found that taking little steps towards doing something fun for myself is actually ok. Think of it as a mental break/ self care, and reason that if you don't take a break at some point, you'll wear out and potentially slip further than you wanted to. As long as you maintain a balance between college and having fun, i.e. not going out to parties every single night but maybe just on the weekends with the exception of special occasions, then there wont be a problem. It's easy to forget as well that your parents and everyone else were at your age too at one time and did the same thing. If anything, getting out and having some fun will help with your soft skills, giving you stories to tell, better ideas of other life aspects and strengthening social skills, which employers do look for too. Take it a little at a time and maybe even just go with your friends to a coffee shop for lunch, building it up to where you feel more comfortable going to a party, and knowing you will be just fine.
Hope this helps a little!