Stuck in the dreaded cycle.
Backstory: With bf for >9yrs (he's been my only bf). He broke up w/me, nearing 2yrs now since. One main point was that he would sulk if I didn't give him attention 24/7; even if I was dead tired from work. In essence he craved attention to feel happy.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have found myself feeling the same. Twice.
1st one was a stereotypical crush at first sight thing. He was the first guy to take an interest in me outside of my work friends and friends I shared with the ex.
We became friends, I developed feelings and found myself craving his attention to a point of I could only feel happy happy when he paid me attention. And when i realised it I hated myself for it. I addressed the issue with him (he's not interested in me) and he suggested very kindly that I wean myself off him and talk to someone a little more professional, as a friend can only take you so far.
Which I have been but my financial situation atm means I can't see my counceller atm. Through convos w/ counceller I have come to terms that this guy isn't interested in my in the slightest and I've moved on. We barely even talk and he has made no effort to be my friend.
2nd. He was a work friend (he moved away) I didn't like him when he first started but as I got to know him we became friends, and for the past few months we've been talking almst everyday, especially now that he's moved.
We're good friends and over a short period of time we've gotten to know each other pretty well and I've confided in him about a few things and he's done to same to me.
But know I can feel myself becoming dependant again. I've been staying up late just so we can chat when he gets home from work. I don't want to ruin this friendship, he's such a nice guy , I love being his friend. I'm happy being his friend and the possibility of moving on to more doesn't sound like the worst. But I'm so afraid that I'll mess things up like I did with #1.
I have asked friend 2 if I can have a day where I wanna try and not talk to him and see if I can reallign myself and see if I can go a day without needing to talk to him and see how I feel on the other end.
I hope tomorrow goes positively for me tomorrow. I will try and talk to my counceller ASAP. Sorry for the long post, my mind is chaos.
@TheChippedCup It's okay to feel dependent and want attention from another. At a basic human level, we all want to be needed and cared for, but this basic human desire can cause issues in relationships. When we require the other person's attention, we put all our happiness on them. We are happy if we do get a text to hangout and go crazy if we don't. And this is not healthy for either person in the relationship because it can be draining and restricting for both people. Perhaps you already know this, but feel like even if you know this, you can't help but feel this way. And that's okay. I have felt that way and probably will continue to, but I am also learning to be okay with myself. To give myself the attention I want from others. To love myself the way I wish others loved me and it's not an easy process but a worthy one. And I hope you see that you are also a beautiful human being
