The fear is strong

I am terrified. I am about to file for divorce after everything that has happened. I know that us not being together is right. Our relationship of 10 years was so toxic.

Besides after being separated for a year I have fallen in love with someone else. I thought she was going to divorce me.....she said so. She decided not to. But it's so late. 2 years have now past. I am so afraid of the change. I currently don't have financial stability. And I am so afraid not to be apart of my children's lives. That would destroy me. I raised them not her. They are like my clones.

Feeling so lost. My family disapproves. So many ties broken from this situation. But I know I can't be happy with her. I care about her as i do everyone, but I do not love her or find her attractive. I kind of despise her. And I am in love with such a caring person, who is amazing in so many ways. I wish my family would approve of my decision and I'm so scared the courts will destroy me for not having money and limit my time with my kids.