Triggering phobias
Hi guys, I basically have a phobia of needles. Like the mention of them freaks me out. And everyone around me constantly mentioning the COVID vaccine and how I will need to take it, makes me shut down, trying not to freak out in-front of them, cause they won’t know how to react. As well as trying to hold my tongue because I know no matter what I say trying to “convince” them I’m not just a scaredy-cat, infuriates me, and they laugh about it “can she even do it?” ha ha ha. I honestly feel so defeated, anxious and tired. I’m basically staying over at my aunts for the night. And the only person who even knows/believes I have anxiety is my mom, who I can’t talk to cause she’s asleep. I just got up and played it like I need the bathroom, hid outside, and I think I’m locked out. But I can’t seem to bring myself to care, I want to be alone, I hope they leave me alone.
I also feel so overly dramatic, I’m pretty sure they think that too. But how can u explain to others, what u ur self cannot understand. Like why do I freak out? What about it make me scared? It’s not the pain, they always tell me it doesn’t hurt. They always bash me and tell me that I’m thinking about it too much, but what they don’t understand is that I actually don’t think about it at all, cause that freaks me out too. UGHHHH, I’m just so tired of this cycle of lectures and being told to suck it up. Like god wish I thought of that first.
Sorry one more thing, they become so anger where 6 of them are talking over each other at the same time saying things like, “your making it worse for yourself” “you just think about the needle to much” “it only takes 5 seconds, stop being such a baby” “what are you gonna do when it’s time to go back on campus” and on and on. And they just really try hard not to understand, and don’t get me wrong they aren’t bad people, just lack empathy. Which frustrates me, cause I know I’m quite understanding. Just really needed to get that off my chest.
Everyone always thinks everyone else's anxieties are ridiculous except their own. If you have a phobia, they should support you and offer their help, not make you feel worse - if that's what they're doing it's not worth seeking their help anyways.
