Why is what I want wrong?
All I want is peace. Calm. Quiet. Joy. Happiness.
But others around me don't seem to want it. They want to argue, get mad, stomp their feet, and be frustrated. And when I try to step in and just say "let's just stop this and enjoy what we have," I get admonished for it. People tell me I'm controlling them.
It's so frustrating. I just want to enjoy the life I have, even in some small way. I struggle to find why everyone around me doesn't want that same thing, or doesn't want to try for it. Why does anyone want to be angry and upset all the time?
@thoughtfulmomma
Hi, I know how you feel, i ended up not trying to solve the problem because i got worn out. But i started make the number of people i spent ant time with become less and less. Eventually i became isolated and that created new problems and loneliness and depression. Id suggest getting some better people who ate calmer and happier. Its easier said than done, but we all need peace in our lives. A walk by yourself might be nice, setting a good example for them and educating them could possibly work, but that might not. Your not alone in your search for calm and peace. They call me Day🌝
Have a great Day!
@thoughtfulmomma
I find it best to remove those individuals from your life. I come from that sort of background and it was very unhealthy and I made a clean break so to speak. I know it can be tough, but you don't have to *carry* other people's issues. It can be tough enough dealing with our own.
@leesemarie
It would be easier if these were just friends or acquaintances. But it's family, so that's a totally different dynamic. There are some days, though, that I think it would just be easier to be alone. Well, maybe not easier, but happier.
@thoughtfulmomma
I completely understand. Not to get too personal, but one side of my family was completely dysfunctional. They usually meant well, and deep down were good people, but there was so much chaos and such an unhealthy dynamic that I just had to let go. I can understand why it might be difficult to do so though, both generally and depending on the specifics. Have you brought up maybe going to counseling with the people you're having trouble with?
@leesemarie
Unfortunately, combined counseling is out. I think counseling is great, but others don't have any regard for it.
@thoughtfulmomma What do they get angry or upset about? My friends sometimes tell me how they're upset when they don't feel like their family acknowleges their feelings. Like a family member would rather pretend like a problem doesn't exist rather than address it.
@Person8818
Everything. Nothing. Everything. It's exhausting to think about. I'm exhausted hearing about everything, so I can only imagine the person angry and ranting has to be ten times as exhausted.
Hey there. I agree with the poster above. Without knowing much I'm gonna add my two very long cents. Sometimes wanting to only focus on the positive comes across as dismissive. If someone is upset all of the time, chances are they don't want to feel that way. They could be struggling with something serious. When you are depressed, for example, every 'small' issue can become a big deal. They might go to you because they feel they can trust you. You may not mean to be dismissive (entirely possible they're misunderstanding too). If they need to feel their feelings, it is best to let them. Trying to change how someone feels is a bit controlling even if you don't mean to be.
All this said, you can absolutely change if & how much they interact with you though. Ultimately we decide who we want in our life. Set gentle but firm boundaries that acknowledge their feelings but allow you to step away. Examples: "I know you're upset right now, can we talk when you're a bit calmer so we can both collect our thoughts?" / "I would like to help but don't know how" / "I'm sorry this happened. How are you gonna fix it?". You can also have a schedule set up to do each day so that if someone asks to talk to you while you're feeling drained, you can respond with "I have x planned right now." and go do whatever x is. And finally, though it can hurt to hear, "no" is a complete sentence.
You're also not obligated to be around even family all the time. You don't have to listen to their rants constantly. Are there spaces you can go to be by yourself?
@Lexloveslife
I can find some alone time. Of course, with all the Covid stuff, being alone these past few months really hasn't been possible. I try to grab little breather moments here and there. Time just for me. I voiced my opinion, how I just can't hear everything all at once, all the time. I understand that everyone else has stress, but I just can't have any more on me. I'm carrying a lot now, and I need others to take on some of the burden so I can take a breath and regroup.
Hey there. I agree with the poster above. Without knowing much I'm gonna add my two very long cents. Sometimes wanting to only focus on the positive comes across as dismissive. If someone is upset all of the time, chances are they don't want to feel that way. They could be struggling with something serious. When you are depressed, for example, every 'small' issue can become a big deal. They might go to you because they feel they can trust you. You may not mean to be dismissive (entirely possible they're misunderstanding too). If they need to feel their feelings, it is best to let them. Trying to change how someone feels is a bit controlling even if you don't mean to be.
All this said, you can absolutely change if & how much they interact with you though. Ultimately we decide who we want in our life. Set gentle but firm boundaries that acknowledge their feelings but allow you to step away. Examples: "I know you're upset right now, can we talk when you're a bit calmer so we can both collect our thoughts?" / "I would like to help but don't know how" / "I'm sorry this happened. How are you gonna fix it?". You can also have a schedule set up to do each day so that if someone asks to talk to you while you're feeling drained, you can respond with "I have x planned right now." and go do whatever x is. And finally, though it can hurt to hear, "no" is a complete sentence.
You're also not obligated to be around even family all the time. You don't have to listen to their rants constantly. Are there spaces you can go to be by yourself?
