Will I ever be okay?

Its been weeks when I wrote something.. anything.. either in in my diary or here. Its been really weird these days.. its been days but i dont know why am i like this again and again. I dont like myself at all right now. I am irritated all the time. Recently one of my really really closed friend said that i am not there for them anymore . I inderstood that she is not well. She has always been thre whenever i needed her or even if i thought i didnt need anybody she was there always with me. But i am.not thre with her. And when she said that i am not there anymore it broke my heart and i again went into the guilt zone where i started blaming myself for everything and after that i am blaming myself for every little tging again.. all the thoughts which makes me hate myselg more are just making me believe that i am actually not a qorthy friends of her ... These days most of the time s i only feel that i dont deserve the people around me.. they have always been good to me and whenever i feel a discomfort i just ditach myself from them which is not fair to them.. why should they be suffering because of me? Even if i hate ut i am again the reason someone very close is hurt. Will that day ever come when i will not people for once and they will be proud of me with the way i am? I always doubt myself for even a small thing . Am i really that?? Am i really worthy enough.. believing that i can do anything seems just weird and selfish to me.