couldn't find the way to love myself

It has been years for me in this situation. There are old and new scar all over my body. We were all thought that was cause by allergic neither me thought that too till I reached 20. I realized that wasn't caused by allergic but the feelings of myself. I discovered that severe anxiety drove me to scratch and this really make me comfort. I know it was a bit crazy and abnormal to feel excited whenever bleeding but maybe this is the only way to get concern from families. I am the kind of quiet kid when I was kid. Kid that is too obedient will always leave aside by parent as they are not creating problems. Hence, I decided to leave the character of a good kid since 10years old. There were always quarrel between families and I whenever I communicate with them...I know I can't control my temper from that moment on however living in a big family this was the way I chose to get attention even it hurts more every quarrel......but I successfully be the one always remember by my families. Now, I am 26 and I have changed the way to get concern. I support my families with money whenever they need, I try to be humour in front of them. When I told them my problem they were just sneer at me that I am weak and useless and asked me to shut up. It was really hurt ....I know the world might not accept me but why family can't be the one that accept and help me to pass through the problem? Time passed I know my condition getting worst but I couldn't stop it .....