help
hi i'm new here, please be nice.
my boyfriend is suffering from anxiety. the thing is, i'm not really mentally stable myself. i've fallen into depression before due to previous relationship. went a couple of years trying to get myself back up again. got into a new relationship, everything seems fine at first, but these past couple of months my current boyfriend seems to be having frequent anxiety attack. after seeing him like that, all the shitty feelings i felt before is starting to grow on me again. now with the two of us being mentally unstable it honestly affects our relationship a lot. when one of us got an attack, the other one will be affected to. i honestly love him too much to let him go. we also talked about our relationship and our current mental state and we decided to get through this together but i have to help him first only then he'll be able to help me because he's new with anxiety and he helped me get through it before when i first got to know him (which he was in a normal mental state) so he thinks that if he's back to normal again, he will be able to help me just like he did before. but sometimes i just cry alone at night whenever i have an anxiety attack without telling him because i don't want it to affect him in any way.
at time i feel so suffocated i'm not sure i can do this. it's very painful for me to act like i'm fine for the sake of our relationship. again, i love him too much to let him go. however the weigh feels very heavy on my shoulder. my mind really can't function well right now and i don't know what to do. hence, the reason why i'm here. i just feel like i need to talk to someone before my head explodes 😞
@nrsyhd
Hello and welcome!
I think that you both need to be practicing self-care, and you also need to be open about how you're feeling. It sounds like you generally understand each other and the difficulties you're having. I think it's good to be open about that. The more open you are, the more you understand each other, and the more you'll understand how you can start to become less anxious. Hiding your anxiety from your boyfriend isn't going to help you feel better. And if you're not feeling better, you're not going to be able to make him feel better.
And I don't think you have to say EVERYTHING about your anxiety and how you're feeling in the moment - at least not initially. When I started having my anxiety attacks, I could only let me husband know I was having them. Not what they were about, not the "why" of it all. (Because I didn't really know at the time.) But just telling him that made me feel better. That I wasn't alone, even if I couldn't say why, and even if he couldn't solve the problem. "Hey, I seem to be having some anxiety or a panic attack. I just wanted you to know. I need to go sit by myself for a few minutes." (Or something like that.)
However, if you're unable to express your own anxiety to him right now at any level - express it here. Come here and talk about it. It helps A LOT.
@thoughtfulmomma thank you very much. the things you said are somehow soothing. really, i have no words ❤️