im new here and i got a lot
im having a real kicker of a day!!!
my anxiety is off the shits and i really dont feel like i can talk to anybody. about them. i dont know. i have a therapist and im seeing her tommorroa but my moms going to be there and so i cant
idk. i feel like SUCH a tremendous failure ( original, i knowww). im in college, but i still live with my parents and i still share a room with my baby brothers. ive never had a job, ive never lived on my own, and ive never had a real boyfriend or girlfriend. no ones even ever held my hand. ive never been kissed! ive never been asked out! and i feel
so so so SO behind other kids my age. its. its really sad when i think about it.
my therapist says my parents are abusive, but my parents say i cant do college and do what i love (art and animation) without living with them.
i kind of know theyre right. and worse yet, ive been insanely paranoid about my art lately. i dont think im good at it. at this point im wondering why i even try. why should i try making a career out of this. ive really just... been so anxious i cant draw.
heres a huge example; theres this comic that ive really lovee doing fanart for. ive put together a fanwiki and a discord for it and revived a small community! for a 4 year old comic!! that blows me away! but whenever i think about drawing something unrelated to that comic i feel this overwhelming sense of guilt
@itsmari
Hi, I finished writting this rap today, hope you enjoy it! Im trying to make sence out of my life through rhymes. Maybe it can give you some of my insight, I hope you feel better soon my freind!! 😊
PERCIEVE
Percieving what we believe in is decieving and has no meaning as life's mistreating dishes out this beating leaving us bleeding but we cant see it if we close our minds and we cant think about this when we're blind, so walk away and you will find, a freind here waiting for a sign! So take your time and organise whats on your mind and you'll find you're not really behind, so relax your eyes and realize you're fine, just the way you are. And you can reach for the stars, put cream on the scars, and healing transpires. The delusional parts only confuse our goals and corrupt our souls leaving us with a heart full of holes. Set goals now and your mind will see what closed eyes has failed to believe, don't let sight deceive keeping us on our knees; throwing logic into the breeze. Winds at your back excited, Winds of hope reignited me. Step by step confide so we can share secrets of life thinking "what could be" If we let it, if you hold back you'll regret it. There, Now I've gone and said it! We hold ourselves down; Dirty on the ground I've found myself tourmented and bound by invisibility. I've ignorged all possibility, so I must set myself free of a self-inflicted confined mystery that causes so much mysery
@humorousDay8793 you know WHAT? that actually did bring a lil smile to my big ol baby face. thank you so much for sharing!! song writings hard, ive heard. :Dc but for real, that was very sweet.
@itsmari
😊 Im happy you enjoyed it. I have written a lot recently to work through my emotions. It really does help. Im headed for bed now, but i subscribed to your thread so i will share more soon. Take good care!
...humorousDay8793
@humorousDay8793
That's very sweet!! Thank you! and i understand, drawing helps me when i'm having a hard time going through it. i'm not much of a writer, but i get the creativity to help feel better <:3
have a nice night!!
@itsmari
Change changes
Rearranges
Please explain this
To my brain
@humorousDay8793
Because I'm brainless
It shouldn't hurt
I heard it's painless
I'm still learning to cope with the last couple months of my life I was seeing this guy who drugged me mentally and physically abused me his friends raped me he would look me in the eye and tell me he wanted slit my throat he just wanted to fucking kill me I had a miscarried with his baby it got to the point where I had to flee my own apartment with nothing and my ex fiance picked me up and got me to safety now me and her are living out of her car and I'm lost I have such bad anxiety and depression I looked her in the eye and said i just want to fucking die
@itsmari
I never knew why I couldn't get on with people and was always shy until I was diagnosed with Asbergers in August. Life can seem strange at times but you are never alone.
@Fraboy101
YOUR NEVER ALONE MY FREIND
Listeners have codependent tendency
Are we filling your cup?? Feel good about a few lines of support?
@proactiveCity5170
Absolutely! The more the merrier