panic attacks
Lately I've been dealing with multiple panic attacks a day.
I have a deep fear of dying young and sudden death. It is an anxiety I have dealt with for a few years, but recently after I got laid off for the winter from my job as a horticulturalist, the anxiety and intrusive thoughts have gotten so bad that it's leading to multiple panic attacks a day. They mostly start by me having the instructive thought, then the anxiety symptoms make me think I'm having a heart problem or a stroke (tight chest, palpitations, sweating). Then I eventually call myself down enough to distract myself and it goes away, then the intrusive thoughts eventually come back...
The other night the panics got so bad that I had my boyfriend take me to urgent care. They checked everything, and though I had a higher heart rate everything else seemed normal. Just the trauma of acting out that intrusive thought and going to the clinic for that was heavy on me the next day, I was still feeling a heavy chest from all the anxiety. But since I was feeling a heavy chest, I'm anxious about having it, thinking it really is the heart issue and it gets worse and leads into another panic attack.
It just seems like a vicious cycle I'm in right now. I just want to be able to enjoy my time off and get things done that I normally can't in the growing season, but the anxiety cripples me. It's affected my GERD and Gastritis as well, causing physical pain on top of the mental.
I just want to feel normal. I feel hopeless about feeling better and I just want to feel okay with living. I don't want to be so anxious about dying that I forget to live. Please help
Hi, @secretGarden3333,
I'd first like to point out how strong you were in coming here. I know it's not always easy to open up about our struggles and be vulnerable about what we're going through.
Panic attacks can be very, very scary and I can hear how exhausting, draining, and frustrating it's been having to go through this several times a day. It sounds like you're feeling stuck and pinned down by all of the intrusive thoughts and anxiety and feeling like it's really robbing you of the quality of life you deserve.
Although I know it doesn't take away the fear or frustration of going through another attack, it's really common for stress to trigger anxiety. With losing your job on top of the existing thoughts and fears of death, it's completely understandable the anxiety has really peaked and left you feeling like you're caught in an endless loop.
It sounds like your boyfriend is very caring and supportive - I'm glad he was able to take you to urgent care when the anxiety became too much. Even though everything came back "normal" on paper, I completely understand how just having to go through the entire experience would leave you feeling even more stressed in a lot of ways.
When you're experiencing an attack, how do you usually respond? You mentioned you're eventually able to calm yourself down (which is great!) Have you found that anything seems to usually help, like any breathing or grounding exercises?
As isolating as this can be, you're not alone in this. There are a lot of really amazing Listeners here with a lot of experience working through anxiety in addition to the 7 Cups communities.
I'm sending you lots of strength and virtual hugs 💜
