relationship anxiety?
hi, i'm seventeen and i currently am dealing with a lot of abandonment issues that have come on from past relationships, and an insecure attachment style.
i feel like i overanalyze every little thing my partner does and i feel like i drive my friends and family crazy because i'm always asked for reassurance that every thing is going to be ok.
this kid tells me he wants to marry me, we've been together for a while and i really truly love this kid, it's just small things off-put my anxiety (things he cant help, such as taking a while to respond) or i silently struggle with feeling like he's just telling me these things so that A. he can get in my pants, or B. because he doesn't want to be honest with his true feelings, which i know both of those things aren't the case. however, i can't erase that feeling of never really knowing how he feels, even after he reassures me that he loves me, it's like my brain is constantly picking out things that might allude to him lying, or not loving me anymore.
this feeling is so intense that i rarely can think about anything else. it's like every moment i'm worried about, "what if he dies", or "what if he gets in trouble and then he cant see me anymore" or "what if he's actually cheating on me", or "this is gonna hurt so bad when it ends"
he says he wants to love me forever and i want to believe him because i've never cared for anyone more in my entire life. this kid is all i can think about and this vulerability is so intense and terrifying and i just dont want to feel alone in this any longer. i'm tired of people thinking i'm crazy, for at this point i feel like i am.
@summerstime23 You sound exactly like me, but I am much older than you. It took me many years to realize that a lot of my issues came from my childhood. I was raised by a single mother with 2 brothers. My mom never took the time to emotionally care for me because she was always busy working and caring for my little brother who has ADHD/Autism. I grew up holding in a lot of feelings and learning to be a very co dependent person. I am 33 now, but all my past relationships were merely sexual and if feelings developed, I always ran away because I never knew how to show/express my feelings. I am married now, but my husband still says I am like a rock. He says sometimes I am dead inside. You are still young and can conquer this problem ASAP. What caused you to become this way? Co dependency is a hard issue to deal with and I still haven't gotten help. You can surely take care of this right now before you become my age and have daily battles about how, when, where to express your feelings or just ponder and worry about it all. I wish you luck! I completely understand!
@TransAm85 my mother was the opposite, she was always home and so was my dad almost, i was smothered with love being the youngest child and i was given lots of attention. however, i never slept alone until i was 15, i didn't make a lot of decisions for myself and i was sheltered from harm mainly, which is why i was never taught how to assure myself or self-soothe. and also, whenever my mom would leave for business trips, which she rarely did, it would shake me up so bad that it traumatizes me to this day.
i'm thinking that might be the reason why, but now that i know, i still don't know what to do.