thinking too much?
hmm this is my first thread - just needed somewhere to write things down so i can process.
for context - i am in medical school and just got my exam results. not too good, but not too bad either. simply mediocre. i can live with that. i remember trying to study for the exams, hoping to cram the syllabus in such limited time (but of course, who can ever remember every single thing?) with the dumb pandemic and general anxiety and lockdown tbh my mental health has been quite bad in the past eighteen months or so.
then a month before my exams my dad got a mini stroke. i live away from home, so i really took this badly bc there's really nothing i can do to help.
spent of my days worrying - distracted, doomscrolling twitter and anxiously checking my texts for updates or whatever. dad's super sick - he's recovering now, but he's got major, major health problems and i sort of feel guilty bc i'm supposed to be the health advocate in the family and stuff since i'm studying medicine and all but i never did anything about it. tbh i didn't know. but there were little signs i could see when i did go home yet i never did anything about it. because of this i couldn't focus on my studies (dad kept telling me not to worry, but HOW COULD I NOT) so i think my efforts were definitely mediocre at best.
i never told my friends about this. they're all stressed from exams and stuff (my bff even called me that weekend crying about boy problems) so i've sort of been carrying this burden on myself all this while. and when i did my exams i just felt empty, like i just wanted to get it over with. i feel like i've forgotten the reason why i enrolled in med school in the first place (i do love it all, it's just that i feel so tired and i just want everything to go back to normal. whatever normal is.)
thing about med school is, everyone tells you to live and breathe medicine. (won't that drive you mad?) am i not interested enough in this anymore? all my classmates are stars, and sometimes i can't help but sort of compare (even though i tell myself not to). all i want to do is graduate and become a competent doctor. but now idk anymore. too many thoughts wrecking my brain. too many hyperfixations to distract myself with, when i feel like can't take it anymore (which is like, most of the time).
am i going down the wrong path? definitely need to reset my mind. i'm so tired.
STRESSSSS!!
stress according to the oxford dictionary is the "pressure or worry caused by problems in someone's life. This definition is correct but only scratches the surface of the concept:stress.
I was using my laptop when it started overheating, it's battery was really low and it was also loading slowly. I started to panic because i did not know what was happing to my laptop, luckily for me my mom was close by. She said the strangest thing, it made a lot of sense, but was still quite strange to me.She said 'Dear, let your laptop rest it's probably stressed out!' Stressed out?, i said to myself. This term may be said often and i may have eventually said the same to myself if my mom did not beat me to it, but it still sounded strange.There is a small possibility that it sounded strange because i was tired and every thing sounded strange to me at that time 😆, or that word that we use even for non living creatures is so similar to what we go through;slow booting,low battery,overheating etc. That word got me thinking,"wow even laptops can experience that condition,but what do they have to worry about?' well compered to us humans, nothing, yet we forget that stress also comes when we over work ourselves. Everything and one can feel or be overworked.
The dictionary,or at least the oxford dictionary does not include overworking oneself as stress;only worries and problems. I believe that the worries and problems only drive us into exhorting ourselves,but the real factor of stress is overworking, please let use not forget that. Give yourselves enough rest and not stress.
Thank You Everyone and enjoy a stressless day ahead of you!
@rainbowwrists
wow lovely,write up. I totally understand how you fell. Especially when you mentioned med school. Med school can be quite challenging but i trust you would be alright!
Hey @rainbowwrists I feel you I’m about to graduate and I’ve just been having regrets. Regretting when I had so much anxiety and a panic attack I used notes once just once on honorlock exam and I was just about to drop out of school days away from graduation. I’m a good student and I value integrity but the mind gets the best of us. All the best with your family’s health praying! Hare Krishna. I’m trying to stay strong snd so should you!
