Afraid to tell people they upset me
Hi all,
I have noticed lately that sometimes talking to listeners and therapist gives me as much or more anxiety than the incident itself I was experiencing. This is because the listener may do/say something that annoys me or bothers me. It can even be a small thing like a word or phrase that makes me feel like they don't really get my experience. I have been trying very hard to speak up more when something bothers me, but when I do still feel like I was being mean or something when I was just trying to express how I feel. I feel frustrated at myself when I can't say what I want. This is made worse by some people having egos and getting defensive/reacting poorly.
I feel like my goal would be to openly and assertively express how I feel and my experience without caring much how the person reacts, and if they react negatively, I will just close the chat and move on to a more understanding person.
The hard part is that I start to feel depressed because I am afraid of being without help/counseling/etc. so there is a fear of abandonment/being alone. I like the quote "stand up for yourself even if you are standing alone". The hard part is then I feel depressed about being alone though. :( :(
@Daydreamer47
I really liked reading this post. It's so difficult for listeners to understand where we're coming from when everyone's experiences are different. No matter how hard someone tries, they can never truly be in our shoes. The listeners on here are really trying the best they can, and some are better than others. You definitely have the right to (and should) speak up if something they say isn't helpful or bothers you, because maybe then they can change how they're expressing themselves to help you in a better way. It takes practice to be assertive, but it's definitely possible.
Good luck!
@Kathleenyy Thanks yeah I will keep practicing.
@Daydreamer47
I experience some of that too. I get frustrated with myself for not speaking when I should. Like others have said, no one can truly know how we feel, as they will never be able to go through it the way we have. Don't give up on finding a listener, it takes awhile sometimes to find one you really click with :)
