Anxiety and making friends?
I'm 22 years old, currently in university. I've always had social anxiety, but it got worst when in 2015 I was diagnosed with a panick disorder. Is a constant struggle and as the title suggest, specially with making friends.
I've been trying my best to start conversations with people, it hasn't gone bad actually. The problem is people can always tell how unconfortable I am... my anxiety makes me stutter , makes me sweat.. and obviously people after the first conversation get away.
Since I'm in a language degree, is even harder. Everyone is very outgoing which makes it harder for me to fit in.
And this is why I'm making this Thread, does anyone have suggestions I could try? With my stutter and weird anxiety ticks or conecting with people?
*Thank you so much for reading*
p.s- anyone here needs a friendly shoulder I'm also open for it. I've found out that online friends are wonderfull in situations like this
@Booklover95
Hi! Does your student associations (or similar) have some activities that you might like? For me personally it is always easier when there's something practical to do instead of just mingling and small-talking. Like movie clubs, tea evenings, sports, photographing, study visits...
@SofieDay Sadly no :/ The only thing they do is praxe (Portugal's tradition for first years) and parties in specific times (like halloween, christmas, etc). I can try to go to a party but... Bit afraid of the alchool
@Booklover95
As a portuguese student I understand what you're saying, for me praxes also didn't really were much of a use, always too excessive for me, there are better ways for integration. And I don't drink, so I share your feelings for alcohol. That's why I don't go to any parties in my university and that, combined with my difficulty to make more than circunstancial friends or loved ones, makes my life harder.
@Booklover95
PS - If you ever need to chat, I'm also a listener and I can relate really well to your problems, from what you've said here.
@Booklover95
Hi!
Oh I see your situation! I feel you; it's really tricky. I think we can get this impression that everyone is really outgoing and confident and we're the total opposite ? The truth is though that social anxiety is incredibly common even if you don't necessarily see it at first. You might stutter and sweat away, but someone else may feel like they're having a heart attack; try and remember that even if you can't see it it doesn't mean you're not alone in what you're feeling.
I'm wondering what you might have tried already? Given that you were diagnosed in 2015 sounds like you've been dealing with this for a while; certainly there are different strategies that can help specifically for making friends at uni, but ultimately trying to manage all of the social anxiety and how it affects you day-to-day.
So - with all that being said; a few ideas:
- Start small. Forget the idea of 'making friends' and instead set a goal of just saying hi. Sometimes in social anxiety the sillier and smaller the goals are the better;- i.e. just smile at 10 people; say hi to five; etc - whatever works for you. Even if you're already comfortable with this the more exposure you get the easier it will be over time.
- Be mindful of your breathing and when your anxiety starts to peak. What techniques can you use to minimise how much you sweat/stutter? Things like breathing exercises and mindfulness can really come into play.
- Catch your negative thoughts. Sometimes sweating and stuttering can be kind of like having a pimple (weird metaphor, but go with it!). We become so aware of it that it can consume us, but it's highly possible that other people don't even know. Or if they do - then hey, it's just a pimple, just like hey, it's just sweating or stuttering. It's human; we all have different moments that are embarrasing. Try to recognise that not everyone will notice, judge you or run away from you because of this. There are wonderful people out there just waiting to have a friend like you.
@romanticthi3f Thank you so much! This comment is so lovely, full of support and wonderfull tips. Thank you <3
i have autism and social anxiety i struggle to make friends
@placidCity1574 So sorry to hear that. But everyone is really nice around here I'm sure you'll at least make friends online. You can count me as one aswell :)
i only want female friends how are you @Booklover95
@Booklover95 that can be so frustrating i'm so sorry you have to go through that. I tend to sweat and my eyes become really wide and i look incredibly frightened when i meet new people. I've found that while i can't get rid of these things yet, i can shift these tics to something less noticeable. So if i have something in my hand i might turn it around or play with it. It seems really forced by honestly it feels very natural and appears the same way to other people. hope this helps at all :)
@Healer361 That's actually a good tip, thanks! :)
I can totally understand where you're coming from, because I'm in college too, and I try to initiate conversations but sometimes it's nerve-wracking. It seems like you've been able to strike up conversations despite your discomfort. I may suggest you doing a breathing exercise in the morning or at night. I think this might help a lot!
@Booklover95 Hey, just making sure that you feel better from this post. If anything, feel free to message me!
@eviethepwum Is being still hard but today I forced myself to go out with an old friend, who also introduced me to two new people.
Also this semester I'm joining the tuna from my uni which is like a group that sings, like a choir kinda. Everyone's answers gave me alot of strenght to push forward and really really try!
Also right after the first reply here I spent the day with a classmate studying.
So basically yes :) Fighting this through and bit by bit trying!
Thank you everyone, I genuinly hope everything of good reaches you guys. I feel so much love and support here makes me a bit emotional haha <3
@Booklover95 I'm glad that even though it may seem hard and scary, you still push through to do it. I believe that with practice you will be able to be more comfortable. You got this!