Approaching my Erasmus... AKA my biggest social fear
Hello!
I just wanna talk about the feelings that I'm having prior my Erasmus, for those who don't know what is it its basically a grant that allows me to study in a different country, in my case Sofia, Bulgaria.
Once I'm there I will have to socialize with people I don't know all the time and kind of "force friendships" that will be my "physical" emotional support during the 6 months that I'm there since I won't be able to see my family nor friends.
I am extremely terrified of the whole experience not only because I'm going to live in another country without knowing the language or without my family and friends, because I'm shy, introvert and have persistent depression that changes to mild episodes to very severe depressive episodes leaving me in bed for weeks so that makes me weird to many people and also Its the worst to be able to keep in contact with potential friends. And on top of that, I am fat, It's not inherently about my fatness its the awkwardness of the possibility of being the only fat girl. If I screw up what I say and how I let people see me I fear that no one will want to be my friend or at least be around me. I don't know how to play the extrovert card very well since once in the situation of a conversation I feel either that I talk too much or too little or that maybe people don't want to be around me.
I just want people to like me. But also I want to be able to be me and be able to chill with someone and recover from social activities and also travel and explore... It may seem pretty normal, but for me It's like wanting to touch the moon with my bare hands.
@FlyingWest96
It sounds like this upcoming trip/program named after the medieval religious scholar is causing you some concern. Since you mentioned the depression to where you are in bed for days, did you disclose this to the program people? It's important to talk to the program people and let them know of any special needs. You might want to talk to them about it if you haven't, and they can make accommodations. Going to Bulgaria sounds like a culturally enriching experience. Remember that emotion and body language is relatively common. If you smile, then people will feel more comfortable around you. If your body says that I'm grateful and happy to be here, then they'll understand.
@FlyingWest96 There are German and Italian exchange students (Erasmus) in my class as well. What I have noticed is that most of them are liked by everyone in here and have made friendships.
My advice for you is to try to socialize, I know it's hard but try. There's one German student in my class who's always quiet and people here always talk negatively about him behind his back, none of them ever tried to understand that maybe he's shy which sucks for him. I know it's hard, but just try all I know is that most of the time people will approach you and try to be nice to you. (I don't know if people in Bulgaria will be as friendly, because my country's culture is quite different, so I hope they are).
Also, what I noticed is that every single one of my professors tend to ask them many questions, so try to revise and study so as to not be embarrassed. I'm not trying to worry you, I'm just trying to help you as I too have social anxiety and hope to participate in the program next year as well. If I were you I would study more because they will definitely be asking you questions, and to avoid being anxious or embarrassed you have to be prepared because I know that failing would probably make you even more anxious in the future.
Don't worry about it, I just hope the students will be nice to you.
Good luck :)