hi , firstly iam the same way as u are.i feel very shy andfear, when i got with friends. They make lot of fun ,but i always prefer to sit back and laugh at their jokes .even when i have a joke to crack i never (0 times) put my joke forward and when new members join in my heart rate used to be at peaks .i thought may be i was thinking of spoiling my name that was good and dont hurt any one.
what i did is
i studies frnds, who are going to be with me at worse? who will never leave me ? and who is going to understand me? i picked 2 . i shared with them everything that is in my brain. Normally best frnds will always be with u. so i started free with them going to their home frequently,throwing parties, cracking dirty jokes ,and looking at beautiful girls,silly night calls ,many more. choose carefully those who dont judge you. then after i became expertised , that i can easily have fun in a group.
Anxiety is a fear of the future. Social anxiety is, sometimes, an irrational fear we can't control. But we can turn it around. With small steps you can face it. Think: is there a reason to be anxious about? If you have anxiety around people you know this is what you should do: deep breaths and say something that you think others will find interesting. Go out with them, show yourself they're your friends and show your mind you have no reason to fear something like that. Same with family. If they make you nervous and anxious, try to fight the anxiety. Use your rational mind: what worse can happen if i do say something or act? Will the world stop turning? Will you die? Will someone die? Face your anxiety, when it tells you "no" say "hell yeah!" and jump head first. It will be hard at first but after you seeing there's nothing to be worried about, it becomes easier.
What helped me was going out with friends, sharing my thoughts to one person I trusted a lot and when I felt anxious I just had to tell her, she'd say "we're going for a walk" and see why I was anxious and guarantee me I was safe, while away from the group to not make a scene. Telling someone, like a parent or friend will make it easier. Pick one you trust the most and tell them. It will show you trust them, and in a majority they will help you.
Other than that, do this exercise: Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4 hold for 1, 2, exhale 1, 2, 3, 4, hold for 1, 2. It helped me a lot before saying something in my group of friends.
Going to an activity with friends or family, like dance, sports, art etc can give you something to talk about, somewhere to go and clean your head out of fears and anxieties and give you techniques and coping systems for when you feel more anxious.
Sorry for the long talk, probably said nothing new or helped, but i'm just sharing my personal experience. Going to dance with my best friend, reading and going to book stores with her was what made me be able to talk to her more than with my other friends. Social anxiety it hard to overcome - but with time, support and coping mechanisms, it becomes something easier.
Good luck!
I think my social anxiety is something I will always have to combat, but I have improved a lot with cognitive behavioral therapy. For me, I have to recognize that I have a dysfunctional thought process. I don't know what thoughts are irrational or rational sometimes, but I have learned not to listen to negative thoughts as much and to confide in others to verify my irrationality. I also have to ask myself what emotional responses are healthy and have developed a more positive outlook in the past few years. Social anxiety is often rooted in shame for me, and shame is never an emotion to dwell on so I rationalize when shame isn't appropriate and try to let go. It's a constant process and some days are harder than others, but I have gotten stronger through it.
