Failing at Faking it 'til I Make it
I am married to a super outgoing guy. He's pretty popular, has a lot of friends & fam around him, loves parties, lives for game nights, is the type to go to a bar and strike up a conversation with strangers- the whole 9. The complete opposite of myself.
Due to past experiences I had with being bullied and being a latch key kid, I have a difficult time connecting to people and I have only a few close friends and family. It wasn't until I met my husband that I sort of forced myself to open up to meeting new people and hanging out. Which sounds easier then it actually is.
Everytime we head out, I feel anxious and nervous. I wonder to myself- will they like me? Will I be put on the spot? I hope I don't embarrass myself..and these thoughts rerun themselves in my head through out the entire course of the get together and I end up freaking myself out, remaining withdrawn from others and I hate it. Sometimes I end up going over my limit when drinking is involved just so that I can loosen up and feel like I'm having fun.
I know that I cannot keep putting myself thru this cycle. I have always been open with my husband about my feelings and hes beeb supportive but I wish I could just get over it already. I'd like to stop faking it and truly enjoy the moment for once.
@Raindancer777
I understand what you're going through. I have social anxiety as well. It's really difficult and it feels like every one else is able to talk and socialize so easily. It's really frustrating wondering why I can't do that too. But with practice it gets easier. I am so proud of you, you are doing great!
@Raindancer777
I completely understand. I am quiet introvert. My husband is a loud extrovert. The good thing about this type of relationship is that the extrovert does help the introvert get out and be more social. But, it can be very exhausting for the introvert.
In the beginning, it was terribly difficult for me. My stomach would be in knots having to speak with other people. Over the years I will say it gets better. You do have to keep "putting yourself out there" but I don't subscribe to the "fake it till you make it" attitude. When you go out, don't feel obligated to carry on long conversations with others. Do what you can. I spend a lot of time listening. If there is something that I have knowledge about or can respond to, I'll respond. But I don't talk solely for the sake of talking.
In the beginning, people thought I was just rude. But those around me now understand that I'm not a big chatterbox. I'm happy to sit and listen, contribute where I can, and the rest of the time let everyone else talk. And they're good with that. They had to realize this about me just as I had to learn things about them. It's hard in the beginning with strangers, but friends and family will learn and are more understanding.