Feeling Guilty When Talking to People

This is my first time posting my feelings online. I feel so guilty about talking about them, and even now I really hate writing this. I'm so worried that someone is going to read this and find it so negative and I hate the thought that my negativity might ruin someone's day. I've gone so long staying silent for this very reason, but I'm just so overwhelmed right now by my thinking and I'm overthinking and I really need help and I really don't know how else to ask for it.

I want to be a kind and considerate person, but I think my interest in others is entirely selfish and is based on guilt. I feel so guilty every time I share my feelings that I need to find a way to "cheer up" the other person for listening to me. Every time someone gives me their love or attention, I feel guilt if I don't give that same love or attention back, so I can never truly express myself without feeling this crushing guilt and burden on my spirit. And when I do open up, and the people I open up to do listen, I feel so guilty afterwards and that just makes me feel so much worse. It's so painful to interact with people. Even now I'm afraid of posting this because if anyone replies I wont know what to say. Every time I act kindly towards someone I feel like such a fraud, because most of the time my being kind or nice is so that they return that kindness and give me love and approval. But the problem is: I'm so terrified of hurting other people's feelings or showing a lack of gratitude that when people give me the love and affection I'm so desperate for, I reject it and I have this huge void because of it. I've ignored this void for so long that I lost all connection to my emotions, feeling numb for the longest time, and now that I'm trying to figure out my feelings and change the way I think, I feel a pain I don't know how to handle. I don't know how to cope with it. I surrounded by so many wonderful people, but I feel so alone. I can't accept love without feeling guilty and I'm growing tired of interacting with people, though I force myself too because I know that will help me and I don't want to be a selfish person. My mind constantly overthinks and overthinks and overthinks every. single. interaction. and I am so tired of it. My goodness, my words feel like such a mess right now and I really don't even feel that any of this makes sense. I'm so insecure and clingy and desperate for approval and I want it to stop. I feel so selfish and self-centered, and as I write this I'm noticing just how much i'm using the word 'I' and it sickens me. I'm tired of being so disgusted with myself. I just really don't know what to do anymore.