Interrupting and expressing myself
Hi everybody,
I had a friend over today for tea. I'm proud of myself that I even hosted somebody at all, but I wish I had felt more at ease while hosting. My anxiety usually manifests as withdrawing and not saying much. Also my body feels shaky and my throat is try so I seem to find it hard to physically talk like my body is shutting down. I made some small attempts to interrupt and say my thoughts on a topic, but definitely a lot less than I wanted. I love my friend, but she is also the type of person who will go on for 20 minutes straight about motorcycles and never ask if anybody else wants to talk lol so I really will need to interrupt her. I also sent her a quick message asking that she say something like "Do you have anything to add?" next time we meet to help me talk.
My ultimate dream goal/wish would be to talk loudly and openly, tell jokes, stories, opinions, etc. at the same or greater level than someone like my friend.
I guess I just need to practice. Hopefully with a counselor when I get one.
Hey @Daydreamer47!
I think what you did today was a really brave step to take, and it's so wonderful that you have this friend that you feel comfortable to meet up with to practice chatting! I understand what it's like to be quiet and to have a kind of "brain freeze" as others are talking - not because you don't know what to say, but because you don't always have the chance to. Just to be sure, there's nothing wrong with this either (being a "listener" type and not the "talker"), but since you've set a goal for yourself to share your thoughts a bit more, I think you're off to a great start! I'm a very introverted person and I can relate with what you describe, so if you want to chat some more about it you are welcome to drop me a message :)
@Jadie thanks. I tell people I am a socially anxious extrovert actually because I was very outgoing before middle school when my SA started. So yeah, definitely nothing wrong with wanting to be quiet and listen. But I think introvert and SA are slightly different. For me personally, I felt that my SA was a way of society trying to silence me, like my peers/parents/teachers planted those negative/critical thoughts in my brain like a muzzle, and I have to fight every day to push back to take it off. I want to talk very much but the physical anxiety attacks (sweating, nausea, etc) and self-doubt are so intense. Wanting to talk and not being able to is very frustrating. :(
@Daydreamer47
Oops, my bad, I didn't notice what section of the forum this was posted in! You're absolutely right, they are different although unfortunately very often confused with one another. But still, you are doing so well for yourself in finding help. I hope you are able to experience encouragement and support here, from your friends, and hopefully eventually from a counsellor. You deserve it - it's not an easy path, but definitely worth feeling comfortable being yourself and speaking out <3
