Is this anxiety?
Sorry I posted this here, didn't really know where else to put it, since it doesn't really fit any category. Feel free to move/remove this if it is inappropriate here.
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Hi, I'll try to keep it short.
I'm 27, male and no social life apart from my niece (12) and nephew (10). Sometimes I see couples or happy families and it hurts so much I cry. I used to be able to at least hold back the tears, now it's getting harder. Kept all of this from my family of course since I'm afraid things between us will change if they know what really goes on in my head.
I'm trying to avoid going out as much as possible since it hurts. But mybehavioris dragging my family down. I can see they worry a bit about me and I'm afraid I'm going to be the one dragging everyone down with me. That is why I want to change myself before I become too much of a burden. I know this since I dragged everyone down with me who I talked to. Lost all my friends because of my depression all the time I believe.
I try to avoid thinking or talking about this stuff since just doing that hurts a lot. So I tend to procrastinate this as much as possible and distract myself with watching videos or playing games.
I can't really go to a therapist with this. Just talking about it with someone here hurt so bad I had a hard time hitting the keys because I was shaking so much. Also all local therapists have a 1 year waiting time.
A brief history to give you a bit more context to this. Was bullied fromKindergardentill 6th grade. About a year after came close to killing myself. Had everything planned and prepared for days. The news of me becoming an uncle kind of stopped me. Been living with severe depression and anxiety for a few years after that. Now, about 13 years later, I think I might still have some mild depression and anxiety left.
Lost all my friends due to being depressed all the time. I think they just couldn't take it anymore. Parents and everyone I knew when I was little lied to me, so I kind of lost trust in everything anyone says. I also have low self-esteem, so I think I'm worthless and ugly and I all I do is bad.
I know a lot of this is probably just in my head, but knowing that doesn't make it better.
The main problem now is me breaking down from time to time when being confronted with things like happy couples/families/etc. And sometimes I don't even know why I start to cry.
Since I don't even know what it is that is wrong with me, I don't know what to look for or google for. It doesn't seem to be depression, anxiety or panic attacks.
So I guess my question is, does anyone have an idea how i can fix myself? Also, how do I find out what is wrong with me?
@Kira16651
Hey Kira, I see that you had posted this message several months ago and didn't receive a reply- I'm sorry about that. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear that at the time that you wrote this, you might have been having a tough time. I'm not sure what resources you have looked at already, but have you checked out some of the self-help guides on 7 cups? They are very informative in terms of what depression and anxiety are, for example. They also include some techniques and exercises that you might find helpful. If you want the links, they are ( https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/ ) and ( https://www.7cups.com/depression-help-online/ ). Also, you might find talking to people about how you feel helpful. If you want to give this another try, feel free to connect with one of our listeners. There is also the option of checking out a group chat in one of these categories, where members like you share their feelings and experiences ( https://www.7cups.com/connect/groupChatrooms.php ). I hope that you have been feeling better since this post and I hope that you can find something helpful in these resources if you need them.
