School is compromising my mental health?!? (negative attitude warning)
I go to community college, not by choice but because my mum forces me to and it feels like too much. I'm taking a full load of courses, I don't know how I'm going to survive the semester with the excessive amount of work in each of them, I can't drive because I'm unemployed and therefore have no way to purchase insurance so my mum and dad have to drive me places like a teenager (I'm 21 and still living with them) and so they have to dump me off way earlier than I have to be there and make me wait there for hours after my classes are over because they work and we don't have any other family to take care of me so I have to be totally dependent on them... and I'm more of an introverted type, social situations make me nervous but mostly I feel like I can't handle the responsibility of giving up the very little personal time I get and giving myself over to the demands of academia. Yesterday was the second day of the fall semester and I cried three times in art class because I'm already feeling crushed by its weight and I'm just so sick of it all. I wish I could just stay home and keep applying for jobs but my mum lacks compassion and empathy and calls me names like "hermit", etc. because I'm more comfortable at home than school or anywhere and she can be a bit ableist sometimes. And when I'm in class, I feel like I can't reach the level everyone else is and I feel like howling and screaming or breaking glass or throwing something because I have so much compressed anxiety that's starting to affect me physically with my parasympathetic nervous system freezing/shutting down because of too much tension and my mum wants me medicated because she thinks that's a quick fix to my issues and she just doesn't get it. She was the perfect little Mary Sue with straight-A's and I'm not and she doesn't understand that the education system isn't the piece of cake it was in the 70's. I hate it so much and it's becoming toxic to my mental health. I'm sorry if this sounded really negative, but school is driving me crazy. I don't know what I can do, but I'm sick of it and I've had enough. If I could, I would quit school but my family has deemed it mandatory. High school graduation isn't good enough for someone like me, so there's no escape.
Hey there! I know exactly how you feel. No matter what any college you go too is stressful, you'r spending money on it, going into debt for it, and putting in more hours and effort than ever because in college we're supposed to be aiding our careers. It's 100% understandable why you feel the way that you do! First of all what are you going to college for? Do you know what you want to do? Do you feel like what you're going to school for is worth it? If not you really should think about that. I wasted a year in community college stressing out and I ended up failing classes and wasting time and then after that I took some time out and realizes I wanted to a Cosmo! Not a nurse! I had really no passion for nursing which made it really hard for me to motive myself in school. If you feel like you're putting too much on yourself drop some of those classes! take what you want/need...and take care of yourself. Better to take a couple classes and ace them than take a full load and fail, trust me I know from experience. as far as your ride situation what about public transportation? I take the bus it sucks but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe bring something to do while you're waiting in your free time. And honestly I'm having social issues in school as well, just take that one day at a time. It takes time to build up connections with others. And remember it's your life,your body, your mind... You're 21 you have every right to take some ignititive and make some choices even if your family doesn't agree if you feel it's best for you
I wish I could do that, but I cannot take initiative. My mum infantilizes me, she's in control of everything, what I wear, what and when I eat and what time I go to sleep. I have no personal control over myself and at school, I don't really care about making social connections. I'm there to get my education the hell over with and get through the day so I can go home and not be at school until the next day. I can't drop classes because I need the full load for financial aid and healthcare benefits... and even if I didn't, my mum wouldn't allow me to drop anything. I'm majoring in English and I want to be a writer for a television series. But the anxiety created by school has exceeded apocalyptic proportions and I feel that something as little as my dad turning the light on at 6 a.m. and pacing around and reading the newspaper nearby or hearing my family's voices when I wake up is just too much because I can't relax.
