Selective Mutism - Can
Does anybody else here have Selective Mutism? (an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech cannot speak in specific situations or to specific people - from Wikipedia)
If so, when/where does it effect you? Have you gone to therapy for it? Have you been able to get a job? Ive been struggling with it since I was about 4 years old.
I can only speak in a whisper to most people and cannot speak at all to most of my family members.
@SummerL yep! It's not something I've seen many people talk about around here so far though...
I've had it all my life it seems, diagnosed I think when I was 3 and it seems to have gotten progressively worse throughout life so far - I've only very recently come to terms with the fact that actually maybe I do want to be able to speak (solid 20 years of denial, I suppose it's easier to pretend you're happy that way than facing the anxiety huh.)
I'm able to speak to 6 people in total, and they're all family members 
(not so great when you have a difficult relationship with family haha) so I'm ok talking to them, though these days even with them I don't say much - usually just answering questions. This is all usually in very private settings, or sometimes in public settings where nobody speaks our language or we're unlikely to be bothered by anyone (though in those cases it's still quietly which annoys everyone, so I tend to give up trying to converse there) but then it seems as soon as people come within earshot everything stops again.
My parents tried all kinds of therapies and stuff for me over about 10 years and honestly I found most of it rather traumatic - I don't remember all of them but I remember the later ones, not want to be there, I didn't trust the people supposedly there to help me, feeling like people were trying to manipulate or trick me (I remember at maybe 6, someone would suggest the sliding in method, again, and I'd feel so angry because the way I saw it, it was like "I know what you're doing, you're just gunna come through that door - why bother with the whole build up when the result will just be the same?" Drove me absolutely nuts). Anyway, by the time I was 13 they'd taken me to every specialist in the country and they'd all given up on me within a couple of sessions - the last one did so after actually promising not to as they'd heard everybody else had. Not very professional haha. My parents refused to try medication, even though it was advised by I think everyone, because they were nervous about the possible side effect of suicidal thoughts (quite ironic now since having to cope with it often brings those same effects. Something I've gotten more and more hung up on recently - wondering what my life would be like now if only they had medicated me).
I think it effects just about every part of my life to be honest, I can't think of any situation where it wouldn't! I haven't been able to get a job yet, though that I think is for reasons more than just sm... I find the idea of a job pretty terrifying though, because how many jobs out there don't require any speech? I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm more drawn to creative work, though again there's the whole networking side of it which would be where any success comes, and just the thought of networking events seems absolutely disasterous! I think it's also had an enormous impact on my ability to process information at a normal speed, have good conversations, a wide vocabulary and so on, obviously because I haven't had even a fraction as much of the exposure/practice as other people have.
Anywho, thanks for bringing this topic up 
It's not something I've been comfortable enough to start a conversation about myself, guess since it's generally considered a childhood anxiety disorder I feel a lot of shame to still be so effected by it today. But would be good to hear about other peoples experiences!
@pastelkit
This is the first I've ever heard of selective mutism, and I'm not sure that I qualify but I will share anyway... I can talk (albeit not very well) to almost anyone. It's certain things I cannot talk about. People I've known all my life can't convince me to speak when I'm upset. I feel some complex mixture of guilt and terror, and am overwhelmed by tears. Even if I'm not really all that upset to begin with, and am able to think objectively about something to myself, if someone asks me to recount a mildly distressing event for them, as hard as I try no words will come. This has had a really destructive effect on relationships, obviously, because people expect that you should communicate when something is wrong, and my boyfriend often thinks I'm just keeping things to myself for the sake of it, or because I don't trust him. It pisses everyone off, and I can't fix it... It's the reason I can't do therapy. I just sit there and cry.
Hi @indigoJet762 This is a really good point, and I think it may well qualify as at least being an element of SM, and if not then certainly some kind of anxiety related disorder... I'm aware that in some cases people with SM don't feel able to talk about certain things, or to say certain words. I couldn't say whether it's to do with extreme self consciousness or hypersensitivity around those subjects or words, but I can certainly relate to having trouble talking about things which might put you in an even remotely vulnerable position, which understandably makes the idea of therapy rather conflicting - on one hand these things probably need to be discussed (and I've found that over time the more you discuss things the easier it gets) but on the other it might feel like a waste if you're physically not going to be able to do that. All that said, do you find it to be the same with typing? For example, might you be able to talk about these things with a therapist online via message? That could be a good first step, though I can understand if not - even when typing it can be difficult to get the words out, and might end up being very vague I suppose in an attempt to protect ourself and avoid that vulnerability... It can be really upsetting not being able to speak and even more so when you can tell that it's frustrating for others and that they really don't understand... Anywho, I hope things work out well for you and that your boyfriend becomes more understanding to your situation 
@AMusicalSilence Typing's just as bad, yeah. Thank you for your kind words, and good luck to you in overcoming these problems (:
I do, I was diagnosed with SM when I was four, I just turned 15 a few days ago. It affects me pretty much anywhere public outside of my family living in my house. It's definitely gotten worse ever since my parents decided (plus my therapist advised) to homeschool me when I was eight. 
Happy belated birthday @Harley017
Im sorry to hear that things have gotten worse since you started being homeschooled – I suppose its understandable, not receiving as much exposure to situations where you would have to face those anxieties, learning ways to cope with them... Have your parents or therapist caught onto the fact this has only made your situation worse? I can imagine that it might not be something youd want to bring up with them, since it would potentially mean being put into a scary, anxiety inducing situation and having to relearn how to manage all of that I can relate a little bit – I left school 2 years ago and have become increasingly isolated and social interaction even with very good friends doesnt seem to come naturally at all anymore (I dont know about you but for me all communication outside of the immediate family is written). Of course, we havent had the same practice that everybody around us have had in conversing growing up, so it can certainly make things very difficult and lead us to becoming more and more isolated...
@AMusicalSilence Thank you. Yeah, they've caught on. My mom is usually working though, by the time she's home she's usually tired and doesn't feel like doing anything. My dad has health problems and the medication that he's on causes him to be tired a lot, so he doesn't feel like doing anything either. And I almost always don't feel like going out because of my social anxiety, but I guess I'm going to have to try to if I want to get better.
