Social Anxiety and Trust

I am feeling so incredibly overwhelmed right now.

I struggle with social anxiety and it's gotten to a point where I really don't have a lot of people left in my life.. with lockdowns and living alone, it’s been really hard to do much about that for now.

On the outside, things look great.. I have a great manager job, I have a music career that is building, I am building a business.. people are very inspired by what I do, but internally I struggle so much.

I have been seeing a coach for the last couple of years who has helped a lot and more recently something happened where she referred me to a trauma counsellor who has been helping me dig into my past.

This coach is also my singing teacher (how I started with her) and now I have employed her nephew, I help her release her music and various other tasks for her business, as well as her coaching me and I have seen her as a friend.. we've done courses together and caught up socially.

The thing is that because of the coaching and because I trusted her so much, I have shared so much of myself.. things I don't share with anyone.. she knows everything about me.. everything about my life is so intertwined with her now.. and I'm starting to feel that when we have our chats, there is less care in wanting to help me and more about helping her and she is not answering the questions I need to effectively help her.. she tells me I'll figure it out and that she doesn't have time. When I was chatting to her earlier she made a comment about my soft spoken voice, saying I hope you don't talk that way professionally.. but I was feeling uncomfortable with the discussion and that made me feel worse.

Part of me is wondering whether it's just my social anxiety combined with a fear based on how much I have shared with her that is scaring me but I don't know who to share with to discuss this with.. she would normally be the person I would talk to. I am afraid that I have over trusted her.

Another part of me feels so incredibly guilty for feeling that way because she has literally turned my life around and helped me so much in moving forward in my life.

I don’t know what to do moving forward.. I feel so alone.. I feel like every time I trust someone, it ends up with me being used and I am afraid that this is going the same way.