Social anxiety
So I woke up today and I thought wow it's a new day and fresh start. But then sadness and anxiety slowly creeps into my bones. I start crying in bed thinking what is wrong with me. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be the person I used to be? I don't want to wake up every morning in tears. Some would say "then do something about it". I think to myself that I am doing something about it but my heart gets heavy and my eyes get watery. I don't know how to battle that.
Another thing I overthink about is wondering what my partner sees in me. Because I see myself as a messed up person and I have all these emotions going on in my head. I shared with him how I was feeling but I regret it because now I can't stop overthinking of what he thinks of me as a person.
Hello @diplomaticEast4339
Some good days turn out to be bad ones, and some bad days turn out to be good ones. That's very normal in life. And crying is very healthy for people, so cry all you need, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm not very normal as well. In fact I'm usually the weirdest person in any room. The trick is to use your weirdness to be a cool and interesting person. Find comfort and strength in the things that you love, and don't be afraid to start new things as well.
My social anxiety got a lot better when I started learning Japanese for fun. I'm not that good yet, but most people don't know more than "konichiwa" so I'm usually amazing at it in comparison, which boosts confidence immenselsy. It starts conversations and it's usually very interesting to people. They will want to know why and how and will probably be amazed. And this is just an example. The same thing can go for any other hobby and interest such as art and sports. So it's great to use an interest you love as a positive outlet for your emotions and to turn weirdness into fascination.
Your social anxiety most likely keeps you from expressing yourself socially, so express yourself through interests, art, clothes, activism. Anything that you love and that gives you strenght.
As for your partner, this one is very difficult for you I'm sure. I had a very similar experience with my girlfriend. I never knew what she saw in me and asked her why she liked me all the time. Only after a few years I realized that all that worrying was for nothing. You can trust your partner when he says that he wants to be with you, even if you can't quite understand why he would.
The most important thing to remind yourself of everytime you question your self-worth, is that your partner wants you to feel good. He loves you for you, and he will love to see you happy without beating yourself up. The best gift you can give him is to start loving yourself unconditionally, I promise ~💗~
@Soe22 hey this is amazing! Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this. I actually feel alot better since I wrote this post. I have been praying morning and night.
Much love to you. 💜💜💜
@diplomaticEast4339 I feel the same way. I get so anxious to leave my room having to talk to anyone is terrifying. There are a few people I'm comfortable talking to but other than that I hate any contact with people. I also don't understand my boyfriend loving me I said he has a type "Crazy" because of other girls he's had crushes on or dated and his tv show crushes. We were friends a while before dating. But ya I don't see how he loves me when I'm a social mess.
I'm at school right now, I don't have many friends and I am very quiet so people just get tired of trying to approach me. I wish I was like those people who are alone and are good, they don't need anyone else but I'm not like that. A lot of things happened in my previous friendships and I got so dependent on someone that I don't know how to be alone anymore
I get so anxious when I'm in a public place all alone, it feels like everyone is judging me even though they're not even looking. When I'm with friends I also get anxious because I'm quiet and they're not so I always get isolated from them
I just don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to be more time alone at public places, like tomorrow I'll stay at school alone and stuyd all afternoon but I get anxious even thinking about it
@introvertvanilla what you can do is learn to love yourself the way you are and always leave some space to make changes about yourself. But mostly, enjoy your own company.