Social anxiety

Hi!

If you're like me and have a really strong social anxiety (or are just really shy) there's two tips I can give you.

1. Smalltalk.

I've said this countless times before because it makes such a huuuuge difference. When I couldn't see myself talking with strangers in university and just thinking about having a meeting at work with people I don't know yet gave me an anxiety attack, I was still able to say "hello" and "thank you" to the cashiers in stores. So I started pushing that, again and again. Soon I was able to joke around with the cashier about how no matter how much milk you buy, it's always empty once you need it. I started to be able to help out people who were asking for directions or was suddenly able to have small conversations with neighbors I never really talked to before. And since it's smalltalk you're almost always trigger safe. No one likes to talk about illness or family fights when it comes to smalltalk. And over time talking to people starts to get easier. All because you put a "those cakes look delicious" behind your "hi" at the bakery.

2. Faking it, till you're making it.

This is probably the most argued thing ever, but as my therapist said "if it's not hurting you or others, it's better to do it than giving up straight away".

If there's a big social event coming up for me, either going back to classes with completely new courses and away from my friends or a big birthday party from relatives you haven't seen in years, I tend to step into another personality. I drop my shoulders, straighten my back, put that confident smile on my face and just... Do it. I just compliment the pretty notebook of the girl sitting next to me or let that uncle I've never met before tell me about how he remembers me being a little baby.

Usually that "different personality" stays for about an hour max. That's the time I need to feel comfortable enough in my skin to get back to being myself. In an hour you'll be able to have made enough ground connections to people to feel a bit more comfortable in the room.

Social anxiety and shyness can be pretty hard to deal with, but there will most likely always be someone in the room that is just as uncomfortable as you are or someone who's bored since they've arrived and are really happy about being able to talk with you. Try to find them and you'll be safe and secure.

And for conversation topics? I love to ask them in some way or another what they are most passionate about, then a question here and there and the conversation will go on for hours.

One thing we humans all love is talking about our passion.

Hey there @mazyliel i hope you are doing alright🤍✨

I feel you🙂 social anxiety can be really hard sometimes and here are my personal responses to my social anxiety ( they are personal meaning that they might not be helpful for others)

1) practices in front of a mirror or trusted person:

sometimes it takes courage to talk to others so if you have a high level of social anxiety you can start making conversation with yourself in the mirror or if you are more comfortable you can also talk to a friend and ask them to correct your mistakes. You would sometimes be suprised by how low your mistakes are even in the first place

2) Validating your feelings:

I dont know why but realizing the fact that everyone somehow has felt that stressful situation (when in a social event )is validating. Remember that you are not alone and your feelings and conflicts are valid.💗

3) Talking a bit louder:

this might not work for everyone however from experience i have seen that in many social events ( such as getting a coffee or etc) the person you are talking to doesnt mind the gaps between your words as long as its loud enough for them to hear. So dont worry most of the time when someone is asking you to repeat yourself its either because of the volume of your voice or the speed of your voice.

4) breathing

breathing before starting a sentence has helped me in many situations talking to people with authority such as a teacher or an dult.

5) Do not change your order:

i have seen myself in many restaurants or cafes and when the other person cant hear me I simply go with the order that i dont want. Yes it might be hard to go again explaining to the waiter/ waitress / server or the person who is taking your order however you are here to get your certain food so😅

6) stepping out :

joining activities will automatically push you out of a comfort zone and bring you to social interactions so joining new activities that you like such as enrolling in a new painting class will put you in situations where you can practice getting comfortable with your social anxiety and a nice reminder that you are not necessarily going to share a lifetime with everyone you meet there

i hope this helped🤍🤍