The vicious cycle of social anxiey, depression, and codependent relationships
So, it kind of goes like this, at least for me. I've had social anxiety for a good part of my life and have always been labeled as "shy" and "withdrawn". I don't do riot-sized mob crowds. I don't do weird dating situations where the guy asks me how I feel about jello while looking at me with beady eyes and a greasy grin. It's hard to schedule and organize meetup events when I'm the only one that shows up. Yada yada yada.
Anyhow, all the thinking or even overthinking, about why stuff like this happens can lead to depression, at least for me, where I can get kind of mopey and not feel like going anywhere or doing anything. Why did that guy treat me like that? Was it because of some "signal" I must've given him, as if it was my fault he behaved that way (I have strong moral values, so in my case, I hope not!)? Why didn't anyone show up to that dinner meetup I planned? Why is it so hard to find and make friends? These are the kinds of questions that float through my head during and after stressful social situations that can leave me worn out and feeling depressed.
How does that fit in with codependent relationships? In my experience, I had been in emotionally poisonous relationships like that because in my attempt to make friends (or even have a successful date), a narcissist might come along and pretend to be a friend because they are preying on my vulnerability due to my social anxiety, therefore taking emotional advantage of me and doing a great deal of damage in the process.
Codependent relationships often end up causing a lot of emotional trauma, making it hard to trust again in order to begin and maintain a relationship ... which leads to the exacerbation of social anxiety.
@AbbyHarris1976
This is the truth. I can definitely relate to what you're saying. Your observations are perfect. What you've written has shown that you have a great understanding of how social anxiety/depression mixed with codependency can be extremely harmful. This post is very helpful.
@BlueDusk99
Thank you very much, and Im glad my post was helpful! 👍
Unfortunately, a good deal of my understanding of this comes from my own experience. Codependent relationships are draining because you spend a lot of time and energy trying to please the other person (who is always going to find some excuse why they are disappointed in you no matter what), and you cant win. Its really toxic because they treat the relationship like its a domination/submission relationship, and thats not how its supposed to go. Its really depressing when we find out thats how a relationship with a supposed friend or romantic interest is playing out.
@AbbyHarris1976 Initially thanks for tagging me:), The post is really realistic and relatable, good:)
Personally i am introvert (INFP), yet people around us do label us as "shy", "timid" persons, just becoz we donot socialize much and may not have a brigade of friends. Yet we people do have small yet good and trustable company of friends.
Its true that we often think what would have had happened " If life was a like song or had a time machine" all it would was that we could pause the present and go back and again live the time and erase the arguments we had or things that we told then that might cause hurt to the other person. We tend to think this a lot, and leads to overthinking that drains us even when we realise that doing that is not going to help us yet pave road to more depression.
Its true that we give a lot of our efforts to make friendship and connections yet atlast that doesn't stays sometimes. We cannot regret for that cause life cannot stop, it has to go on, life is like a car, we will drive it, some will enter the car while some will leave it, yet we have to drive it ahead to new roads to embrace our life and lead it, in similar way, in our life, some people will come , some will leave us yet we have to move ahead .
Anxiety, depression are there, we have to deal with it keeping ourselves optimistic, to embrace the strenghts we have, not to neglect ourself yet be truthful to our true selves. No matter people may label us as "shy" and think us weird, like minded people are present who will understand and cooperate with us always
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@niceDaisy36
Thank you, that is very thoughtful! 🙂 Im also quite introverted and as a result, Im one who makes few friends but those I do make are for the long haul.
My best friend C is not as introverted but understands and even appreciates what its like for her to have a friend (me) with social anxiety who is also a highly sensitive person (There are a set of characteristics of HSPs, and a lot of them fit me to a T). My other friend MA does not yet understand this about me but hopefully he will in time as we continue to set aside our differences to get our friendship back on track
BUMP
Bringing this back up top because its a good topic
BUMP A DUMP
@AbbyHarris1976 Ok so it
@Zengrl
I am new to 7 Cups and just trying to figure this all out. So I apologize if this isnt the right thread.
I was married for almost 15 years to a guy who was an alcoholic, very shallow and selfish, and did his best to humiliate me at every opportunity. I stayed because my religion is very anti-divorce and I had always been raised that you didnt give up. Well-2 years ago he found someone new and left. A true blessing for me. And I feel like it is a God giving me a second chance.
However, it has been 2 years and I still feel like I cant just relax and have fun. Ever. Even when my kids are smiling and laughing, and I want to be silly. I just cant seem to feel it.
I am comfortable at work in my environment, but not in social situations. I think that is because he used to try to humiliate me in front of others saying how fat, ugly and disgusting I was and that he deserved to be with someone who is hot.
I really am so much happier now than I was. Truly. I am not walking on eggshells every day. But I want to figure out how to find me again. How to relax and enjoy life.
@AbbyHarris1976 @AbbyHarris1976 maybe you should try snapping out of the "guy" place that you are stuck in and maybe you will discover life. There is life beyound "guy", you know😉🤗😎😊
