Trouble making friends in college
I'm a freshman in college, and I've been here for 2 weeks now, but I've basically made no friends. I have acquantainces, but no one I'd call a friend. I've put myself out there in terms of going to club meetings and getting involved, and I've met many people, but that's all that ever happens. We meet and rarely establish a connection deeper than that. It's not that I don't want to be friends, I just don't know how to take an introduction further. I know things like that take time, but it seems like most other people already have some sort of friends, even if they're not so close yet. They have people they can hang out with, eat with, etc. I wake up early and get breakfast by myself, then I get lunch by myself beteween classes, then I worry about who I'm going to have dinner with.
I guess a big problem actually is my shyness. I could ask someone in class if they want to grab lunch after, but I sort of feel embarrassed. I feel like they might have something better to do, like meet up with a friend. And then here I am, asking to get lunch because I don't have a friend. Typing this I know how irrational it all is, but that's how I feel. Part of me also remembers that it's a two-way street. No one ever asks if I want to get lunch, and then I think it's because they don't like me / have something better to do, and then that discourages me from asking other people. It's a positive feedback loop (thanks college math for teaching me that term). Honestly, I think that might be because I seem distant and unfriendly, but it's just my anxiety. I want to make friends, but because I'm nervous, I bottle up and seem unapproachable. It sucks.
I'm also just really bad at approaching people, especially when they are already in conversation. I don't know how to properly enter a conversation without feeling awkward, unwanted, or like I interrupted. I know the tip: keep your door open / say hi to people with their doors open, but I just don't know how to approach an open door. I don't know what to say other than hi, and I'd feel weird stopping by now being that I haven't stopped by once after 2 weeks of living here.
Sorry this post is kind of long and stupid. I know my fears are irrational, but I still have them. I guess that's how anxiety works.
@purplePerson3929, don't worry! 2 weeks is not enough to find some friends. The first month is the most difficult but I'm absolutely sure that the college will help you to find out what is real friendship! Cheer up (:
@purplePerson3929 I lucked out by finding people I clicked with early on in my college life, but still remember it's not the same for everyone. 2 weeks is a short amount of time: a lot of people are still adjusting and getting a feel for things. I found that pursuing stuff that interests you (that group, that hobby, that sport, that activity, etc.) can be super useful in finding people where you have at least something in common with them. It still may take time but at least you'll be doing something you like/interests you and I find it's way easier to bond that way.
Good luck!
Hi purple, I know how you feel. The first few years of college for me were brutal. I think just the act of active listening can really help with making friends. Active listening shows that you care about the other person. When you talk to someone, perhaps instead of thinking of how you look, maybe try focusing on what the other person is actually saying. If people are having a conversation you want to join in, ask a question about what they're talking about. It can be scary trying to initiate a friendship with someone else but these things take time and practice. Sending love your way.
Thanks everyone for your kind words! I know it takes time to build a friendship, but it doesn't seem like it takes as long for other people. I see other people have already made friends to hang out with and everything. I guess it could just look better than it actually is.
@purplePerson3929 It can be hard comparing yourself to others but everyone moves at their own pace. also, sometimes those people who seem to find friends instantly cant maintain those friendships after a while and find other people to hang out with. its still too early to tell who you
