Unable to Interact Normally...
I've always been an introvert, and though I do enjoy small get-togethers with close friends, larger gatherings with acquaintances tend to stress me out.
Since I've worked from home the past few years, I feel like I've lost my ability to interact normally... Every time I attend some sort of event with friends of friends (especially when alcohol is involved, which admittedly I use to relax and talk more [though I drink very rarely]), I spend the following day analyzing every conversation I've had. I worry that I talked too much, that I was annoying, that people were wishing I had walked away, that I'm barely tolerated by those in my social circle. Thinking about the possibilities sends me into what I think is a mild panic attack--my face will get hot, I'll start shaking, and I'll experience difficulty breathing.
I'll ask my fiance if I said anything stupid, and though he has the patience of a saint, I know he's getting fed up with having to quell my fears. And quite honestly, I never really believe him when he says that I haven't, as he's biased.
I've always had these fears, but they've grown worse with time. And it certainly hasn't helped that I moved to a new state where I don't have any close friends.
How do I deal with this? How can I be more confident? How can I approach a situation without second-guessing myself? And how can I avoid the panic I feel and overanalyzing I do days after?
@brightAcres1748
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
I've always been an introvert, and though I do enjoy small get-togethers with close friends, larger gatherings with acquaintances tend to stress me out. (I can see how this impacting you, and then it can definetly take a toll on you. In small gathering is where you know most people so you feel at ease. In larger gatherings is where certain fears take over such as; Fear of being seen, Fear of being heard, Fear of shame, Fear of judgement, and fear of anxiety)
Since I've worked from home the past few years, I feel like I've lost my ability to interact normally... Every time I attend some sort of event with friends of friends (especially when alcohol is involved, which admittedly I use to relax and talk more [though I drink very rarely]), I spend the following day analyzing every conversation I've had. (It can be quite challenging knowing this thoughts come up, and how it tends to impact how you feel. If you grew up always being criticized and judged for every detail, then you will always be self concious of this) I worry that I talked too much, (It can definetly feel scary going through these thoughts, but theres a chance that growing up they shut you down, punished you or even ignored you when you tried to talk or express yourself) that I was annoying, (I feel this part is how they made you feel growing up. They were probably times your parents or family members made you feel this way when you asked for what you needed, tried to seek support, tried to express yourself or ask help) that people were wishing I had walked away, that I'm barely tolerated by those in my social circle. Thinking about the possibilities sends me into what I think is a mild panic attack--my face will get hot, I'll start shaking, and I'll experience difficulty breathing. (I can only imagine how this feels when you are going through this, it feels so scary specially when those panic attacks tend to last for awhile. This is usually a sign you are being triggered and reliving traumatic events from your past)
I'll ask my fiance if I said anything stupid, (I could see the reason behind you saying this, its like the need to feel reassured that you didn't say or do anything wrong. I get the feeling that this is how they made you feel growing up. Lets say you said something or wanted something, and if your parents or family member teased you, mock you, behaved in a dismissive way, used hostile sarcasm, displayed impatience then internally you will see that as you saying something wrong when in reality the problem was them) and though he has the patience of a saint, I know he's getting fed up with having to quell my fears. And quite honestly, I never really believe him when he says that I haven't, as he's biased. (what makes you feel this way?)
I've always had these fears, but they've grown worse with time.(I can see they have definetly impacted how you feel about yourself, its unfortunate you are experiencing this) And it certainly hasn't helped that I moved to a new state where I don't have any close friends. (I feel its normal how you feel, everything is new, so its okay to have some doubts about this place until you feel comfortable)
How do I deal with this?(I feel its important to really adressed what happened in your past childhood, because this behavior comes from how you were treated. A therapist will definetly help you find a deeper root of why you feel the way you do) How can I be more confident? How can I approach a situation without second-guessing myself? (The most important thing is awareness of reasons why you behave this way, so you can stop and then analize the situation. I do see most of this comes from your childhood, so it's important to recognize when you are being triggered in the present moment) And how can I avoid the panic I feel and overanalyzing I do days after? (I feel that avoiding it will actually make it worst, its very important to face it on order to have the mind confirm that everything will be okay)