Who would date a man with social anxiety?
I'm mostly fine in public places, but there are times that my anxiety hits.
I honestly don't think that I will ever find a partner, a girl that would accept me and my condition. I imagine myself on a date, having dinner in a crowded restaurant and all of a sudden I get a panic attack. What will the girl think of me? That I'm weird, weak, not man enough. If I open up to her beforehand she would probably avoid me and be better off with someone else. After all, being sociable is a big positive.
To make things worse, where I grew up most people are extroverts, almost everyone that I met from school, to university and now at work, they all love going out, partying, clubbing. I feel so lonely... and sad.
@Roxas9 I have social anxiety too and have been with my wife for 5 years. I get really inside my head sometimes and feel like I totally shut down but she rarely ever notices. No one expects you to be perfect, any potential partner you have has their own insecurities too. It's so common for someone to feel unlovable themselves but really you're totally deserving of love the whole time. I'm sure you have some wonderful qualities too! That being said, it sounds like your anxiety is stressing you out so focusing on things that help with the anxiety are totally worth doing. I'd just do those things that help you feel better for your own sake, not because you need to impress someone else
@Roxas9 I went on Bumble recently (a dating app where women make the first connection and message first) and literally put in my BIO:
"I have social anxiety disorder so I tend to be looked at as the "shy" guy by others. I do get discomfort in social settings with a lot of people and actively try to avoid those situations if possible, but can too remain functional at them if they aren't. Looking for someone like me ☺️"
I was surprised by how well received this was.
I wanted to make sure before dating again that my potential future partner understood upfront what they were getting into, so to speak, but to also to attract other people that may be familiar with or experience social anxiety disorder too.
My first ever real relationship I wasn't upfront and it came out as a surprise to them. With someone who has never experienced or been familiar with SAD, they didn't know how to deal with it just like we don't too from time to time. It didn't make it past 6 months. I ultimately left that relationship feeling more insecure because of how highlighted I felt my anxiety was, and how apparent it was a problem.
In my next relationship I made a little bit of progress in that, my (former) partner too shared general anxiety, but not social anxiety. They were always a social butterfly and I honestly led myself to believe if I stuck around her, and all her events, long enough that social 'butterfly'ism' would wear off onto me. I did that for 4 years, I did make little progress with controlling my anxiety but I think it was more of a comfortability with my partner given a 4 year history.
My point is, I really think going forward it was beneficial for me to let prospective future partners know upfront about my S.A.D, because now I don't have anxiety about having anxiety. It even sparks conversation about it, you tell them how you feel in certain situations and they tell you the same. Usually in there bio I would find some reference to anxiety as well, and it relived me so much knowing I could have a partner in the future where S.A.D would not control our relationship, but rather we harmonize over that shared experience.
This is what I've found works best for me managing dating with S.A.D. You're not looked down on or looked at like "less of a man", they're just as excited to find someone like themselves as you are to find them which creates some passion and comfortably right of the bat. I really hope that helps feel free to AMA - Adult topics are not off limits, I understand as a fellow male a lot of insecurities can result from performance anxiety as well so feel free to go there if needed.
Hope this helps @Roxas9 I just read your thread and it related so much I had to share <3
@FarmerKyle Wanted to add to that last chunk, that if you are upfront about your social anxiety and you meet someone, converse, explain how you feel when your anxious, your anxiety triggers, pretty much your whole social anxiety history and how you function with it, after all that (usually a deep like 1-3hr convo) the right partner will validate your feelings, not have you feel more insecure about them. If the person you are talking to doesn't accept your honest truth, would you really want to continue to pursue them even if that was an option?
My personal answer to that question would be no, but that's from my past traumatic dating experiences, yours could be different so please take everything I've said here as just that, my experience.
Thank You for sharing @Roxas9. You being open and truthful here and with yourself about your anxiety is a HUGE step in the right direction. Much Love <3
