Wondering if I did something wrong

Hi everyone, I have posted on here before about a situation where I was worried about drifting apart from a close friend, and I needed to vent again 😔

This is the backstory of what had happened, for the sake of not having to type everything over again

Thank you so much to everyone for all your kind words, I revisited the thread for the first time today despite posting that 2 months ago, not realizing a few people had commented

So after I had posted that thread, things were pretty much fine. I can only assume he was going through some things that week and didn’t have energy. Things had gone so fine, to the point that I was embarrassed that I had even posted that thread at all

Now fast forward to this past Wednesday. My friend and I were talking about our days like normal, but work has been extremely stressful this past month for me. I tried not to talk about it with him, because I know he doesn’t like it when I get angry, but also because I tend to calm down by the time I’m home (which is when we normally start texting each other about how our days went). So I never really mentioned to him what was going on at work for me, except maybe a few comments here and there

This past Wednesday, though, something happened at work that made me extremely upset. So when we were talking about how our days went, I started venting about everything at work that has been stressing me out for the past month. My friend started responding to my first few messages, then stopped. I had thought maybe he’d stepped away from his phone, so I just kept venting

Eventually, as I was still typing, I noticed he had read my messages, but didn’t respond. I thought I would let him read everything and digest it, and then I would wait for his response. But he never responded

That was this past Wednesday…today is Sunday and he still has not responded to me, all he did was read my messages and then not respond. We normally talk almost every single day, so the fact that we haven’t been speaking for this long is making me wonder if I did something wrong

Normally, when I vent, I do say sorry because I know it can be a lot. But his response is always to say that I don’t need to apologize, and so I didn’t this time. Plus, he always says I can vent if I need to, because he knows it’s hard to keep it in

Also, normally when I vent, he at least gives me some sort of response, like telling me to breathe or to calm down because I’m not at work anymore, those people aren’t my problem once I’m home, etc. He also used to say, “I’m gonna respond, I’m not ignoring you” if he didn’t have the time to respond right away. But nothing this time

My venting was very long - I was typing for about 30 mins straight. I spoke to my therapist on Friday about me being worried that I did something wrong. She asked to see screenshots of what I said to him, and in total, it was about 15 pictures of straight paragraphs. I could see before she even said anything that it was a lot to take in and was extremely overwhelming. She agreed and said that it also sounded like I was typing every thought that was passing through my mind. My friend has mentioned before that I should try to filter my thoughts a bit, so maybe this is why he didn’t respond? My therapist also said, “when he has time in a couple of days, he will respond to you, if he is your friend”

So I suppose that’s a “test,” to see if he’s truly my friend? I’m just worried if he doesn’t pass this test, that means we’re not friends anymore? But all I did was vent about being frustrated with people at work (most of which are people he doesn’t even know), which is nothing new for me. I’d hardly think this is a reason to drop a friend, especially one that I have gotten extremely close with over the past 8 months?

I also vent a lot…I mentioned in my post linked above, that I was worried about how me venting that time could have been the last straw for him. But I feel like friends vent to each other all the time? Him not responding to me makes me feel like my frustrations aren’t valid and that he doesn’t care (because he’s usually there for me when I need to vent, but not this time)…I know that’s an extremely selfish feeling, when he might just be too tired to acknowledge paragraphs upon paragraphs of venting, but I wish he’d at least tell me that, rather than leaving me on read and ignoring me for days on end

I was going to wait until he responds, but there has been so much I’ve wanted to tell him (not related to my venting) since he stopped responding to me. But I feel like I can’t tell him anything, because he was the one who didn’t text me back. After spamming him with so many messages of venting, I don’t want to text him again, because his lack of a response tells me that he doesn’t want to speak to me, and I don’t want to be pushy

My therapist asked me if I considered texting him if everything is ok, because I noticed he read my messages but didn’t reply. But I don’t want to do that, because he can respond to me when he’s ready, and I don’t want to encroach on his space (if he needs it from me, after witnessing my vent)

But now I’m wondering if he’s ever going to respond to me at all…I know it’s only been a few days, but not speaking at all to somebody that I was extremely close with and talked to all the time for the past 8 months straight makes me feel empty, and I miss my friend :(

I’m wondering if he feels the same way, that he just wants to have a “normal” (for lack of a better word) conversation with me, but feels like he can’t, simply because he didn’t respond to my rant, but also doesn’t have the energy to respond to my rant, so now we’re both stuck in this cycle of not speaking to each other, all because of my venting

So I feel like this is my fault, in a way, and it makes me feel like I’m not allowed to vent or feel angry, if this is what happens as a result. And I’m worried I’m going to lose a friend over a vent, which seems like a extreme reason to not be friends with someone anymore

I am aware that my social anxiety is causing me to spiral into all these thoughts, and maybe it’s not as deep as I’m making it sound, that he will respond to me eventually and we will go back to talking every day like we did before

But my question is, should I apologize to him? I’m wondering if my ranting made him uncomfortable. I miss my friend and wish I didn’t rant like that, but I want to be respectful of his feelings, whatever they may be, and not text him at all until he’s ready to respond. My apology could also make things weird, especially if the reason he didn’t respond was simply because he didn’t have the energy. And if that’s the case, then I’ll look clingy…which I am aware that I am, in fact, acting like that, freaking out over not speaking to a person for 4 days

My other option is to not say anything, and wait for him to respond, because I don’t want to text him again after spamming him with so many messages. But I’m also worried he’ll never respond and then we won’t be friends anymore, drifting apart because of a vent

I looked over the screenshots of my rant, and I didn’t see anything damning. It was just a particularly long vent about things that were frustrating me, so I’m not sure what it is that’s making him keep his distance from me. But I certainly don’t want this to be the reason we’re not friends anymore, as dramatic as that sounds

I know this is extremely long, and I’m honestly not expecting anyone to read a novel about my feelings. If anyone does end up reading all of this, though, I would appreciate any advice!