almost half a year
I graduated from high school in June and im becoming a shut in.my anxiety and depression are taking over my life i hate myself sometime because i might just be lazy but i don't want a job i don't like dealing with people i get too nervous.i tried working a retail job nightshift full time but i hated it so much i started thinking about suicide so i stopped going didn't even quit i just stopped going and told my mom they fired me.sometimes i feel like a burden that makes me suicidal like im not worth the ground i stand on because all i do all day is sit on my computer, play videogames and watch anime.im to content with this life i have no hopes or dreams idk what i want in life all i can think of is stupid mics and computer stuf i don't realy even need.im like a child.all my parents tell me is its all part of being an adult.is being an adult mean getting a job you hate paying bills and passing out because your so tired being an adult?all i can think about is ending my life sometimes.everything i do is pointless.im such a bland person i want friends,a relationship,and a job i love but i don't know what to do i haven't realy been out the house for 6 months im overweight and unhealthy,im not the cleanest person i go for 2 or 3 days before showering im disgusting,it might even get worse ive shut myself in my room most of the day.and the thing i do all day is play videogames i suck at them theres not even a point in playing just something to get me to stop thinking about things.i love doing art but i haven't realy been able to do it because i have no passion or will.sorta like my life is a big gray screen floating bye day to day.
Hello @theDohv. Sorry for the late reply.Thank you for sharing your feelings so sincerely. It is not easy to step into the adult world. It is pretty tough embracing changes.Be patient with yourself. Slowly, work hand in hand with your thoughts and actions .
This sounds super rough. *hugs* I recommend getting a therapist/one-on-one listener and potentially meds. Please call suicide hotlines if you are feeling suicidal. Remember "it's ok not to be okay." That quote helped me. You are worthy just from being a human being. I listen to a lot of positive affirmations and that helped my self-esteem to repeat every day "I deserve love. I am enough." I have a ritual of putting these on my wall on here too. You can follow me and reshare them. Healing and changing your behavior takes time and is very hard. Reward yourself for the small steps, even coming on here and seeking help is a good step. You should feel proud for doing that! <3
Wow! You sound very similar to me! Except I graduated college a year ago, rather than High School (so I guess I'm a bit older...). I had an awful retail job too, and it made me so stressed and suicidal I ended up in the hospital. I've been on medical leave for 2 months and thinking about going back makes me panic so much. So, don't feel too bad about it, this sort of thing just happens to some people and it's really not fair.
I even like to draw, but haven't been able to much recently! One thing I find that helps is to set a very, very small goal for myself. For example I'll say "I'm just going to doodle an eye" and after I actually start, I often find it much easier to get going. I do the same thing with cleaning and personal hygeine (which I have trouble with as well), maybe that is something that could help.
Don't be too hard on yourself! Hopefully the listeners here can help you feel better 
