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boundaries, and peer pressure (not that kind though)

User Profile: Minkcar
Minkcar May 13th, 2022

theres this house show (concert in a home, band is just some local kids i assume) tonight but not only do i have work at 10am tomorrow (100% mandatory, cannot call out) but even if i do go, im gonna be the only sober person and i am generally pretty low energy, so im not exactly going to be raging even if i go. last time i just sat on the couch and tried not to fall asleep. not that it wasnt fun, but it wasn't for me.


the problem is that if i dont go, i think one of my friends will be disappointed/upset with me. he is v sensitive about plans cancelation. i also believe that he will go to this party whether i go or not, and that he will likely drive himself there and back, under the influence.

(also, a friend i havent seen in a very long time is going to be there and i want to see him, but also not if hes gonna be wasted the whole time.)


everyone keeps telling me im not their chauffeur and its not my responsibility to make sure my friends arent drunk driving, and that i have to set boundaries. but i just can't!!! i only have 2 friends i see more than once every few months. if i dont have them then i have no social life. i just really don't want my friend to be mad at me for cancelling and being boring and in a lame way, straightedged (im not straightedge, i just think drugs and alcohol should be used in much more moderation, especially when we are all underage, and all have genetic predisposition to addiction).


my friend is not big into talking, and i am historically horrible at serious conversations because i am autistic and have jo sense of tact, and i have a hard time putting together an appropriate response, so talking about it, while probably needed, is not likely to actually lead anywhere, especially because im too anxious to even try.


this is long and convoluted and its unlikely i will get a response before the party, but as this is clearly a problem that runs deeper than the situation itself, i would still appreciate advice.

2
User Profile: MidwesternCalmSeeker
MidwesternCalmSeeker June 19th, 2022

@Minkcar

I'm sorry you did not get a response at the time you were looking for it. Listen to yourself, as you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders: i just think drugs and alcohol should be used in much more moderation, especially when we are all underage, and all have genetic predisposition to addiction

That's really good advice to yourself, and you should listen!

User Profile: SaireJameDavid
SaireJameDavid December 1st, 2022

@Minkcar Hi I have some gifts for you to help in battling anxiety, please see below:


Source: Controlling Social Phobia

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101998523?q=social+anxiety&p=doc

A Song about battling Anxieties

https://www.jw.org/en/library/music-songs/original-songs/each-day-has-its-own-anxieties/?content=video

How to cope Succesfully with Anxiety?

https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/watchtower-study-april-2022/How-to-Cope-Successfully-With-Anxiety/

If the topic you want is not listed above you can check more helpful article about anxiety here: https://www.jw.org/en/search/?q=anxiety

Stay safe always <3 I love you, we love you, we are here for you.

----

Also some tips:

What makes you anxious?
Do the following statements describe how you feel at times?

“I’m constantly thinking: ‘What if . . . ?’ ‘What if we get in a car accident?’ ‘What if our plane goes down?’ I’m anxious about things that a more rational person wouldn’t worry so much about.”?—Charles.

“I feel anxious all the time, as though I were a hamster on a wheel running around but never getting anywhere. I’m working myself to death but not really accomplishing anything!”?—Anna.

“When people tell me that I’m fortunate that I’m still in school, I say to myself, ‘They have no idea how stressful school is!’”?—Daniel.

“I’m like a pressure cooker. I’m always worried about the next thing that will happen or the next thing I need to do.”?—Laura.

Fact of life: We live in what the Bible calls “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1) Because of that, anxiety can affect young people as much as it affects adults.

Is anxiety always bad?
The answer is no. In fact, the Bible says that it is right for people to be anxious to please the ones they love.?—1 Corinthians 7:?32-34; 2 Corinthians 11:28.

Also, let’s face it?—anxiety can be a powerful motivator. For example, suppose you will be taking a test at school next week. Anxiety might compel you to study this week?—and that might help you get a better grade!

A degree of anxiety can also alert you to danger. “You might feel anxious because you know that you’re taking a wrong course of action and that you need to make changes for your conscience to be at rest,” says a teenager named Serena.?—Compare James 5:14.

Fact of life: Anxiety can work for you?—as long as it moves you to the right kind of action.

But what if anxiety traps you in a maze of negative thinking?

A man helps a teenage boy find his way out of a maze
Anxiety might make you feel as if you were trapped in a maze, but someone with a different perspective can help you find a way out

Example: “My mind races when I think about the different ways a stressful situation could turn out,” says 19-year-old Richard. “I play the situation over and over in my mind to the point that it makes me very anxious.”

The Bible says that “a calm heart gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30) On the other hand, anxiety can bring on a number of unpleasant physical symptoms, including headaches, dizziness, upset stomach, and heart palpitations.

What can you do if anxiety seems to be working against you rather than for you?

What you can do
Question the reasonableness of your anxiety. “Being concerned about your responsibilities is one thing; being overly anxious is another. It reminds me of the saying, Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”?—Katherine.

The Bible says: “Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?”?—Matthew 6:27.

What this means: Unless anxiety leads you toward a solution, it will only add to your problem?—or become your problem.

Take things one day at a time. “Think it through. Will what you are anxious about matter tomorrow? in a month? in a year? in five years?”?—Anthony.

The Bible says: “Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.”?—Matthew 6:34.

What this means: It makes little sense to take on tomorrow’s problems?—some of which may never even become a reality.

Learn to live with what you cannot change. “The best you can do is prepare for situations to the extent possible, but accept the fact that some situations are out of your control.”?—Robert.

The Bible says: “The swift do not always win the race, . . . nor do those with knowledge always have success, because time and unexpected events overtake them all.”?—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

What this means: Sometimes you cannot change your circumstances, but you can change the way you view them.

Put your situation in perspective. “I find that I have to focus on the big picture and not stress over the details. I have to choose my battles and channel my energy into taking care of priorities.”?—Alexis.

The Bible says: “Make sure of the more important things.”?—Philippians 1:?10.

What this means: People who put their anxieties in perspective are less likely to be overwhelmed by them.

Talk to someone. “When I was in the sixth grade, I would come home from school very anxious, dreading the next day. My mother and father would just listen to me as I expressed myself. It was so good to have them there. I could trust them and speak freely to them. It helped me to face the next day.”?—Marilyn.

The Bible says: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.”?—Proverbs 12:25.

What this means: A parent or a friend might be able to give you practical suggestions on how to reduce your anxiety.

Pray. “Praying?—and doing so aloud so I can hear my voice?—helps me. It allows me to vocalize what I am anxious about instead of keeping it in my head. It also helps me to realize that Jehovah is greater than my anxiety.”?—Laura.

The Bible says: “Throw all your anxiety on [God], because he cares for you.”?—1 Peter 5:7.

What this means: Prayer is not a mental trick. It is real communication with Jehovah God, who promises: “Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you.”?—Isaiah 41:10.

When Anxiety Is Severe
Some young people suffer from chronic anxiety. For example, a teenager named Jenna says: “As a result of anxiety, I had a constant headache, I couldn’t focus, I would sleep for days or not sleep for days, I wouldn’t eat, or I would eat too much?—I was wired all the time. Very small problems seemed like mountains.”

When anxiety is prolonged or excessive, it might be good for you to get a medical checkup. That’s what Jenna did. “After receiving treatment, I can handle things better and I have control over my anxiety,” she says.

WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY
Carissa
“When I face anxiety, I pour out my heart to Jehovah in prayer. I can sleep well at night, knowing that the problem is in Jehovah’s hands?—and that’s the best place for me to place my life and my anxiety.”?—Carissa.

Samantha
“I always think to myself, ‘Why worry about things I can’t do anything about at the moment, or ever?’ I think about Jesus’ words at Matthew 6:27. This helps me to rely on Jehovah and listen to his advice.”?—Samantha.