i have a social anxiety

Hello there, @diem

I'll tell you a little story about what I did today, something I'm really proud of and something many people might not easily understand.

Several days ago, I realized I needed to order a certain document from another country for some very important matters. I had always, and my that I mean just about always, been worried and scared of doing anything on which people could judge me, whether those things were actions, verbal speech, or writing, so just placing an order for that document online, which required me to enter my credit card numbers, address and personal information, scared me enough to make me want to crawl to a hole and hide.....It really did.

But then, despite the fear, I did it anyway and ordered the document to be delivered to my home via FedEx (which was supposed to be quite a bit faster and more reliable than standard postal services), and the document did move really quickly from across the ocean, passed China, and finally landed in Thailand, my birth country. I was so excited to see the mail move so fast from one place to another. I could imagine the shipment arriving on my home right on time as it was intended to. Though, that didn't happen, and the package is right now still sitting in a FedEx facility somewhere in Bangkok, this country's capital. I wanted to figure out why it didn't reach me yesterday as it was supposed to, so I put in the tracking numbers right where the site told me to and discovered that the status was "Incorrect Address". I was bewildered; how could this be? I entered the the address and the numbers and everything correctly. I was so worried I would get it so wrong and the mail would go someplace like Taiwan or something instead of reaching me like I wanted it to. I needed to do something... I needed to do something because the shipment I had ordered would return to its sender within 5 days of waiting if it can't reach its destination (If I read the site correctly), so I checked out their customer service. This is scary territory for me and probably many who are nervous when they have to express themselves to others, just like you. My grammar's much better now because I made sure to study them as soon as I realized it has lots of room for people to criticize, so I decided to draft a message to their customer service and requested my shipment. I even gave them the coordinates to my home, thanks to Google Maps. Oh, the "Send" button got my hand a little jumpy, and I was worried still that there would be mistakes, but I sent the message anyway, hoping for a speedy explanation and delivery of my shipment.

I was okay with stopping and calling it a day, but then I thought "What if.... What if the time taken for the message to actually get be read by FedEx was longer than 5 days? They sure have lots of customers, I think", so I decided to put a little security blanket over me by making a phone call to their FedEx's customer service.

Here comes my proud moment. I was scared.... scared! I wanted my package, but I was so scared of speaking to people, let alone demand answers from them! My body was going crazy, and I felt aches allover. But.... I knew I had to do it. No, I wanted to do it. As anxious as I was, I wanted to overcome my fears. Yes, it was as hard as climbing a cliff backwards with your head pointed towards the ground (awesome way to put it, right?), but I did it. I dialed the numbers one by one, pressed a couple more numbers as instructed by the machine, said hello to the man who greeted me, asked him about my shipment and why it has not been delivered to me as it should have, and got the answers I was looking for.. I found out the deliver didn't reach me, because they couldn't find our address in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sugarcane plantations, so they took my shipment back to their facility to be later shipped back to the sender. Now, to the point of this very long story, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack throughout the whole 2 minutes I spoke to the man from FedEx, and that feeling stayed with me for a good long time after that, but on top of that terrible feeling was a real and deep sense of satisfaction in facing my fears and achieving what I set out to do. That is why I am proud today, and I now expect my delayed shipment to arrive to at my home tomorrow morning.

Anxiety is hard and it makes you want to avoid the source of your anxiety in order to avoid feeling so bad again. But I tell you, facing what you're afraid of and doing what you want to or what has to be done is much more rewarding than avoiding your fears. I was avoidant too, and I never thought I could do what I did today. True courage is not never knowing fear but instead taking right actions despite the fear. You have social anxiety, and it might be really hard for you to approach and speak to people, so you might (note the mights...I don't fully understand what your experience is like, so I leave ends open), avoid situations in which you are expected to talk or socialize with people, but eventually you might want to slowly and gradually face your fears and break the anxious cycle. Actually, by coming here and posting, you already are making efforts, and you have courage. I am proud of you too for being so courageous and coming here. I hope what I said to you today is useful. I'll answer any questions you may have to the best of my abilities.

Hello, Diem! Joining the website and posting this question here was your first step to 'overcoming' social anxiety. I'm glad you took this step :) I, too, have always had social anxiety. I put the word 'overcoming' in inverted commas because everyone gets more or less anxious in social situations. So, there's no overcoming it, only bringing it down to 'normal' or acceptable levels.

One way of doing it is, as Amboredd mentioned, to slowly and gradually expose yourself to situations which make you anxious. It might help to realize that everyone is self-conscious in a social situation. When you feel like people are staring at you or judging you, realize that most other people are also wary of being judged for their clothes, the way they speak, the way they act etc.

Set yourself small goals like saying 'hello' to someone and smiling, or asking someone for directions. Writes these goals down and put a big tick mark against it when you have achieved one small goal, then move on to the next, bigger social situation. Take it slow and easy.

Also, check out lesson 5 of the 'Anxiety guide' in our self-help guides section, it deals with 'Relaxation techniques'. I recommend practicing diaphragmatic breathing everyday. In social situations, our heart beats faster and breathing gets choppy. which also might lead to shaking (hand, head). Diaphragmatic breathing might help you breathe properly in social situations.

As human beings, we are wired in such a way that we learn from our experiences. When we find ourselves in a similar situation the next time, we automatically recall what learned and apply it, and, consequently, we end up with better results. What I'm getting at is, keep trying, don't avoid any situations. If you avoid a situation, you can't learn from it, and, thus, it's harder to improve.

I hope this helps :)