job search/starting a new job
I have a hard time being myself at interviews & starting a new job because I'm pretty shy about talking about myself & I feel so awkward talking myself up. I have a self-deprecating sense of humor & it eases the tension in awkward situations. But sometimes people tell me to stop or they get offended by me bashing myself & things get more awkward. I have borderline autism & social anxiety & sometimes I feel like the only thing more awkward than joking about an awkward situation is not saying anything & letting it just be awkward. I'm the weird, crazy friend & I'm ok w/ that but idkif that would fly at a job. Plus, calling myself a crazy idiot all the time doesn't show people my skills & talents, but I feel so uncomfortable intentionally showing people. It feels so fake, like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. Everyone tells me I need to get over my low self-esteem & be confident & promote myself but I feel like that would mean changing who I am and I'm totally ok w/ who I am now. The issue is it's probably not something people would want in a professional setting in the tech industry. I'm simple & down-to-earth & I don't like faking. I'm passionate & i like helping people but I don't like "playing the game." I know these are all qualities people would appreciate in some situations but idk about my field. I feel like employers want a certain personality when they spring for a college degree. I'm a junior in college btw. I find my field fascinating & I don't wanna have to give it up but I also don't wanna have to give up my personality & be someone else. Sorry to write a novel lol
Yeah it sucks to have social anxiety and depression I even can't talk to my family properly I feel like I'm a stranger I just finished high school and now the thought of interviews for scholarships and pre-unientrance make me wanna die. Great result doesn't mean anything if you have this mental illness. This is not a way to live but way to die
I'm so sorry you feel that way. I know it sounds like a lame cliche but this is really from experience. The applying/interviewing part was by far the most stressful for me. Actually starting college was a transition that took some getting used to but overall there was much more good than bad: more freedom, more mature & diverse friends, more cool stuff to do, classes that actually interest me. I know it can be overwhelming but depression and anxiety don't define you. You're way too awesome to be defined by 1 thing like that. Depression or anxiety is just 1 emotion. I know what it feels like when it drowns out everything else but you really can & will feel better & you're already on the right path moving forward with your life & seeking out things that will get you past this stage. It's hard & I'm proud of you, really. I felt pretty down at that phase too & I got through it by doing little things that made me happy & focusing on the little pleasures. Still how I get through the day sometimes. I make time to hang out w/ friends (or go places to meet people back when I didn't know anyone at school) & go to open mic's & campus events & stuff. I know the application phase sucks but college environments make it relatively easy to overcome depression (usually in bits & pieces, not overnight, but every time you feel a little better it feels great) because there's so much to do & it's a lot easier to meet people & bond over common interests. I used to have the hardest time going up to someone & starting a conversation but the chill college environment made it so much easier I barely feel anxious about it anymore. You are awesome in your own awesome way & your unique experiences, talents, skills, & qualities give you a unique perspective & ability to make an impact. Stay strong. The world needs you. But more importantly, you need you. I'm here for you & I really care. We can keep talking here or if you wanna talk in private I'd love to chat with you on my listener account. My listener name is igetcha. Message me anytime & I'll get back to you. Keep up the good work. It WILL pay off