just a day - journaling

I'm a 27yo woman future PhD student. I'm alone and lonely. I wanna document my day-to-day so I feel less alone in facing my fears. 

i'm dreading the phd exploration process. i'm sorting through the list of mentors and picking out good fits but yet to make a move. Is this too early to send an email? Is near-holiday times a bad timing to start reaching out? But i actually have more free time now.  I don't know. 

i'm debating whether to go home to my parents for the holiday. i don't even know how to explain it lol. I did go back, then i left early, because i had a severe eczema flare at their house, and also they were moving to a different city. so now they are hoping for me to fly back to them to their new place, but i'm tired. TIRED. From my eczema. And plans to study and whatever. I just want to stay put in my own apartment. But then I feel guilty of not spending time with my parents. 

I'm so socially anxious but also dreading loneliness