A mom trying to help step dad for the sake of our autistic daughter
I'm currently struggling with my partner when it comes to communication in regards to parenting my 9 yr old autistic daughter. He lacks understanding of just how much of her behaviors are linked to her tism. And he wants so badly to be the best bonus parent he can be. But a lot of what he is trying to apply is for nuerotypical children which doesn't work. He is alway saying I'm brushing off how he feels about stuff, or that I'm more of a friend than a parent, or that I'm enabling her. I've tried so hard to educate him about it and give possible resources and explain things. But either he can't, won't, or doesn't understand it and I'm at a loss.
@PandaJes
Hi there. Sorry to read this. It seems your partner is adding to the stress, which is the last thing you need right now. Just wondering if it would be possible for a professional to speak with him, to take some of the pressure off yourself? You sound like a good mum, who wants to do the best for her daughter.
He only just got his insurance a month ago. So he has his first regular dr app in a week. Then from there it's a process to get mental health help.
I came on here to look for help for this exact same thing. My wife and I have our own different mental issues and I never thought that I was projecting my own autism/ADHD onto my son. Though there are similarities, we are very different. The only thing i can say it is understand what he's feeling so I just want to cry because all the years I internalized that feeling he's expressing it outwardly at the age of 7.
My wife had a severe panic attack about a year and a half ago which almost caused her to completely stop driving or even leave the house all together. Though she understands anxiety now she refuses to see that anxiety is a symptom of what our son feels on a daily.
Our son doesn't see a therapist which I want him too, if only to have regular check ups. He's still slightly non-verbal. He's not on medication, but i have plenty of herbal things that I take that I know help me that could help kids.
My wife thinks running it out of him in a sports or something will help. Maybe a neurotypical child yes, but we are always telling people his 5 minute rest is just him getting started. So, it makes me sad that if something holistic could help him focus in class then why not try. I would have loved parents like this if not for me then at least my younger brother would did need it also.
I'm sorry I'm not much help, but I am a lending ear. I will say but kind of helps my wife open her eyes to him even having autism is watching him with other kids. Playground and we "people watch". Detail the difference of him and other kids and him. Even between niece and nephew. It sucked but it was the only way to open her eyes. My wife also had me as a comparison when we had the annual teacher meeting for his progress.
Update...is
Since I posted the original, I have separated my daughter and myself from him as much as possible. If we are hanging out in the bedroom, we are outside playing. Her behaviors have gotten better by quite a bit. His... not so much. He just isn't actively aggravated because I don't let it happen. I started therapy for myself a couple days ago, and started a new med. Him and I have couples counciling on Thursday. SO cross fingers yall.
Calmly explain that children who have autism isn't easy just be patient and talk to your child Calmly and in smoothing voice and do not raise your voice that triggers kids with autism and if they act out walk away and give them a few minutes I promise you it works. Buy sand slim let them feel kids love feeling of the sand and other stuff. If she needs something to print out pics and stick them to valcrow and put them on a book and if she points out she wants water. Let her tell you by saying I want water little sentences and I'm telling you they will love that.
