I feel betrayed, I can't be dependent on two of my friends anymore.....
My friends sometimes put my family members names, just for fun, which I find quite immature. I just turned 18, so did they. Today, for fun, they decided. Both of them, to put the same man's name that got into an accident with my grandmother and killed her in the process, also he "accidentally" was getting into accidents with few other people in the past.
My friends put his name and started making fun. Saying I used his motorcycle today, he gave it to me. The same motorcycle that killed my grandmother. I am not in tears because of m grandma, it's because I am disappointed. And since childhood everyone only used me and too advantage. Even my ex bestfriends. Now I know I can't be dependent just on two people. I need to use more for my emotional regulation.
I have went through so many childhood traumas since I was 5. Just hurts that no one wants to do the right thing. Just for social conformity, normal people lie and hurt others only to feel accepted, only to feel like they " fit in". I just don't have hope to have someone that uses me. I always thought someone will one day not use me. And actually love who I am. Even how kind, and sometimes I may seem like outsider. They still take advantage. Should've improvised.
@Mogens2221
To be a slave of people is bad place. Because you have your identity in people... in 50 people at the time even. You try to please them and just be and say what they want so you find your value or anything through them. And you yourself cannot love someone, when you need him.
First you must love yourself and be okay with yourself. Then you can start having healthy relationships.
If you think I people please. Then no. I never people please. It's just that they were one of my only friends. Also I am autistic, i barel mask myself in front of others. I never loved my parents or anyone except my cat who is dead.
Also I have only 2 friende. Are you sure that you're in the right post?
@Mogens2221
I am sorry, maybe I misunderstood. I didn´t want to say anything bad, did I? If yes, I apologize.
I just wanted to say that it is not good when someone is dependant on people.
Its okay. It's normal for people to misunderstand me. Uts just for the first time in my life, it felt that I had somone who I could be so open with. And they just turned 18 so their immature and I'm like 30 yr old man in a 18 yr olds body. It's just that I thought of them as something more which they weren't.
