I have adhd and fibromyalgia, he is audhd. Our marriage needs help.
Is this a place spouses can get advice and support? Im struggling with a debilitating chronic illness as well as my own ADHD. I need help around the house, but it seems like he is completely incompetent, even when I give word-for-word exact instructions on what I need help with. No, subtext, no expecting him to see the obvious. And it still doesn't get done. I'm afraid because I'm in so much pain right now. That I'm struggling to get even the basics of running a household done. But when January starts, I'll be doing tax season, forcing myself to work every single day because financially, we don't have a choice. And I'm afraid that I will still have to struggle through. Doing even the most basic things at home because he won't help. Please forgive any typos. It would take a million years for me to type this out. So I'm using voice to text. One example is I said "put the bagels in the fridge" he turned around pointed at the fridge. And said, "you mean this" as if he didn't know what a refrigerator was. This isn't constant. It will be days on end two weeks even. And then suddenly I'll have a day or 2, where he's very helpful. And then it's gone again. All the while he has a chore. List of things He does at his mom's for a small amount of money every week. I've got major depressive disorder, and I'm fighting the thought that he's doing this on purpose. And just because he's not getting any actual money from me, even though I pay every single thing in the house, everything he eats all the normal bills, because he doesn't work. I have no friends that I can talk to. My mother-in-law just shakes her head and says stuff like "that boy" or "men" i have tried everything. I can think of to make things easier because of his audhd. I made a chore list and stuck it on the fridge, giving him the absolute bare minimum that I possibly could do with detailed instructions. I'm lost
@asduggins2019
🥺
You are going through so much.
You are dealing with work, and chores and Illness on top of it.
You really are amazing.
I can see why you'd be frustrated and impatient.
It's easy to crack under the pressure especially when you are not getting any help.
As hard as it is, preserve your energy, pick your battles and take time in the day for you regardless of anyone else's needs 💜💕
Who knows, when there's no food in the fridge and a million dishes in the sink your husband might see it then 😁
Sending you my absolute best wishes 🥰
He doesn't see. He doesn't see a sink full of dishes or a full trash can. He doesn't see all the tomatoes that need to be picked, the weeds that need to be pulled or the cat poop on the porch. I've been told im strong and to pick my battles, while im grateful for the thought, I really need someone to help me know how to handle the issues that might be from his autistic and adhd.
@asduggins2019
You might need to seek support from a professional to give you advice on how best to speak to someone who these conditions 💕
Where? I have my own therapist but she doesn't specialize in autism behavior. I can't afford to get him a therapist.
@asduggins2019
I hope some people here that have experience with this condition, will reach out and share their experiences 💜
Me too. I don't know what else to do but im afraid this will go no where like other things I've tried
@asduggins2019I'm really sorry you're dealing with so much right now. Managing a chronic illness, ADHD, and household responsibilities is an enormous challenge, especially when support feels inconsistent or lacking. It sounds like your spouse's ADHD might be affecting his ability to follow through, but your feelings of frustration and exhaustion are completely valid. It might help to explore couples counseling or support groups where you both can get strategies tailored to your situation. Also, consider reaching out to local or online resources for caregivers or people with chronic illness—they might offer practical help or emotional support. If you'd like, I can help find resources or suggest ways to communicate needs more effectively in your situation.
That last sentence is what I need. Ive spent the last 3 years adjusting to him and trying to find strategies to help him both as an individual and as a partner in our marriage. I've done all the generalized things I've found online. Now I need help with specific situations.
